Chuck Update - 4/08/09 - 4:09pm
me and chirag are dropping out of law school to become pirates. who wants to join our scurvey crew?
My Thoughts
My gut reaction to this was first to cringe, and then to puke, and now my bowl of Smacks is ruined. Is it possible that Chuck thought this would get a laugh? IS IT??? Was there some other motivation behind posting this? I need your help Chuck readers, why would Chuck say this? Is he commenting on the U.S. crew that was recently taken hostage by Somali pirates? Do they post news stories like that on perezhilton.com?
Chuck Update - 4/09/09 - 12:03am
will be up all night jamming to tunes and drinking coffee, and dammit tomorrow my dishes will be done, my apt will be clean, and my outline will be done!
My Thoughts
God. When you break it down this actually sounds like a HORRIBLE night, but somehow Chuck makes it sound SOOOOO good! 1. Jamming to tunes is always good right? 2. I love coffee, so do most people! 3. It's always refreshing to have a clean apartment right?
YET, he posted this at 1203 am. I have drank coffee at 1203 am before, it's a horrible idea unless you're picking someone up from the airport at 500am and you just don't want to sleep beforehand. And jamming to tunes, cleaning, and outlining while he's drinking it? Is this going to be like a fucking montage from Mrs. Doubtfire where he is dancing around while he's vacuuming and making the kids do their homework with Aerosmith blasting in the background? I REALLY hope that Chuck posts a video of what happened on this night! Still, somehow I get the feeling that Chuck is NOT aware that the people around him know that his life does not play out just like a really great movie.
So Chuck, stop with the goddamn exclamation marks. "Jamming to tunes" while cleaning and doing homework SUCKS. And who wants to drink coffee after midnight? NOBODY. It's a terrible idea. Oh and I love how you said "Dammit...." those things will be done, like they are so pressing that they require a coffee-filled all-nighter. How is that dishwasher treating you Chuck? Remember that you will need 1 cup of coffee for every 1 minute of unloading, or otherwise you will just run out of energy! Oh and don't forget that the Beauty and the Beast sippy cups go on the shelf above the Barack Obama commemorative plates!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Chuck is American Beauty
Chuck Update - 3/15/09 - 11:35am
Chuck drank for 20 hours straight yesterday and is now heading to the library to study. god i love law school.
My Thoughts
Does this give anybody else the feeling that Chuck isn't living with his mom for the first time in his life and now he doesn't know what to do with himself? Earth to Chuck, (hellooo - hihh - hellooo), you don't have to be in law school to drink for 20 hours straight, you could have just moved out of your mom's house. And instead of going to the library the next day you could just be going to a job............nahhhhhhhhh, I'm just kidding buddy! What would I do without you? I couldn't be happier that you're in law school!
But really, you drank for 20 hours straight yesterday Chuck? Seriously? In more than one way, I don't think that you know the meaning of "straight." If you said that you drank for 20 hours yesterday I would have hard enough time believing you already, but it's impossible to believe that coming from a guy who says, "I hate jello shots because they're too sweet and strong!" So 20 hours straight and you're heading to the library at 11:35 am? Well I've been awake for 86 hours straight after running a marathon, flying around the world, and having an orgy..........so I'm sure you're capable of doing a lot REAL studying after yesterday.........just like any law student (in your mind), I know you are an "Unstoppable Alcoholic Information Machine!"
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 12:53am
Chuck ok this weekend was amazing but this week i HAVE to get serious about school. seriously i am not going out this weekend...
My Thoughts
Chuck, I think you need to consult your previous update. You ARE serious about school, you went to the library the morning after a 20 hour drinking day remember!?! Frankly, I'm amazed that you are still pretending that you need to study more. If you were really serious about it then you would just do it right? Oh wait that's right, I remember now, law school is all about telling people that you study all the time but not actually doing it............it's just like real life! "Yes sir, I thought long and hard about doing the project, I did a lot of self-reflection, but then I never actually did it.....so anyway, let's talk about that raise!"
You'll be trading mortgage derivatives before you know it Chuck! You really should have had me write this update for you Chuck, I really could have shortened it, it would have said, "Chuck is going out this weekend."
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 2:10pm
Chuck www.cnn.com
My Thoughts
Ummmmmmmmmm
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 3:42pm
Chuck the warm weather is killing my winter depression. i love sunshine
My Thoughts
If any one has their finger on the pulse of the people it's Chuck! This update is proof that Chuck's modus operandi transcends law school. Not only does Chuck say everything that people expect to hear about law school, he also says everything they expect to hear about weather. Regardless, I don't remember Chuck ever being in a winter depression? As far as I know he leads the happiest, most satisfying life that anyone has ever lived! I remember things like, "Chuck has the greatest friends ever", "Chuck loves law school and pudding", and "Chuck is living baby!"
So let's get this straight.......Chuck loves studying and drinking, he loves sports, he loves cooking, he loves wine, he loves sunshine, he loves Disney movies, he loves manly movies, and he loves, Chuck Update - 9/14/08 - 6:04pm Chuck loves rainy days. life is good.
WHOA! Chuck loves rain AND sunshine! I'm surprised but I know that I shouldn't be. As always Chuck, you really should have had me write this update for you, it would have said,
"Chuck loves whatever you love and hates whatever you hate and slightly dislikes whatever you slightly dislike, but he definitely loves sunshine and the smell of dryer sheets (cuz everyone does right!)"
Chuck drank for 20 hours straight yesterday and is now heading to the library to study. god i love law school.
My Thoughts
Does this give anybody else the feeling that Chuck isn't living with his mom for the first time in his life and now he doesn't know what to do with himself? Earth to Chuck, (hellooo - hihh - hellooo), you don't have to be in law school to drink for 20 hours straight, you could have just moved out of your mom's house. And instead of going to the library the next day you could just be going to a job............nahhhhhhhhh, I'm just kidding buddy! What would I do without you? I couldn't be happier that you're in law school!
But really, you drank for 20 hours straight yesterday Chuck? Seriously? In more than one way, I don't think that you know the meaning of "straight." If you said that you drank for 20 hours yesterday I would have hard enough time believing you already, but it's impossible to believe that coming from a guy who says, "I hate jello shots because they're too sweet and strong!" So 20 hours straight and you're heading to the library at 11:35 am? Well I've been awake for 86 hours straight after running a marathon, flying around the world, and having an orgy..........so I'm sure you're capable of doing a lot REAL studying after yesterday.........just like any law student (in your mind), I know you are an "Unstoppable Alcoholic Information Machine!"
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 12:53am
Chuck ok this weekend was amazing but this week i HAVE to get serious about school. seriously i am not going out this weekend...
My Thoughts
Chuck, I think you need to consult your previous update. You ARE serious about school, you went to the library the morning after a 20 hour drinking day remember!?! Frankly, I'm amazed that you are still pretending that you need to study more. If you were really serious about it then you would just do it right? Oh wait that's right, I remember now, law school is all about telling people that you study all the time but not actually doing it............it's just like real life! "Yes sir, I thought long and hard about doing the project, I did a lot of self-reflection, but then I never actually did it.....so anyway, let's talk about that raise!"
You'll be trading mortgage derivatives before you know it Chuck! You really should have had me write this update for you Chuck, I really could have shortened it, it would have said, "Chuck is going out this weekend."
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 2:10pm
Chuck www.cnn.com
My Thoughts
Ummmmmmmmmm
Chuck Update - 3/16/09 - 3:42pm
Chuck the warm weather is killing my winter depression. i love sunshine
My Thoughts
If any one has their finger on the pulse of the people it's Chuck! This update is proof that Chuck's modus operandi transcends law school. Not only does Chuck say everything that people expect to hear about law school, he also says everything they expect to hear about weather. Regardless, I don't remember Chuck ever being in a winter depression? As far as I know he leads the happiest, most satisfying life that anyone has ever lived! I remember things like, "Chuck has the greatest friends ever", "Chuck loves law school and pudding", and "Chuck is living baby!"
So let's get this straight.......Chuck loves studying and drinking, he loves sports, he loves cooking, he loves wine, he loves sunshine, he loves Disney movies, he loves manly movies, and he loves, Chuck Update - 9/14/08 - 6:04pm Chuck loves rainy days. life is good.
WHOA! Chuck loves rain AND sunshine! I'm surprised but I know that I shouldn't be. As always Chuck, you really should have had me write this update for you, it would have said,
"Chuck loves whatever you love and hates whatever you hate and slightly dislikes whatever you slightly dislike, but he definitely loves sunshine and the smell of dryer sheets (cuz everyone does right!)"
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Chuck is deeper than Lake Baikal......
Chuck Update - 2/24/09 - 2:06am
Chuck is watching a movie and thinking about life
My Thoughts
Chuck. You are the deepest person that I know. Well, first off, happy St. Patty's day. I hope you are 7 beers deep before dinner like me....what am I saying, of course you are! You are the drunkest/most contemplative person I know. But seriously, wow, what movie were you watching when you posted this ChuckDate? I can imagine two possibilities, 1. The Little Mermaid, and 2. The Phantom of the Opera.
The Little Mermaid, obviously, reminds you of how much you wanted to be a mermaid when you were growing up. I can imagine the conversation you had with your best friend on G-chat after you watched it, "yeah man, it's just like, Ariel reminded me that even though she's a mermaid she is still trapped in the water ya know, it's like, she's got the whole ocean to explore but she's still trapped, kind of like humans and how were trapped here on earth...and also trapped in our lives ya know? That movie is so deep..." Great point Chuck, but I'm pretty sure your love of the Little Mermaid really stems from the fact that you wish you could feel up Ariel's cartoon boobs.....and that's totally ok! Really it is, it's just that most of us had that feeling when we were 10.........not 25.........
AND yes yes yes yes, we all know how cultured you are Chuck, we all know how much you love the opera.....but if I can be brutally honest with you, nobody thinks it's cute when you Karaoke "Hey Ya" in your super-falsetto-opera-voice...it's really just weird. I know, I KNOW buddy, I've heard you explain that: "We all wear masks, but some of us just don't have the courage to wear them on our face." I understand that, but Chuck you need to realize that law school does not make you a "deep" person, and that if I wanted to dress up as you for halloween next year, I would have to go as a giant tear drop wearing a "contracts mask"..........I'm just sayin........anyways, I hope you contemplate life while your vomiting Green Zima tonight......and I want you to know that I'm just kidding, that opera voice is hilarious, you should do it as often as possible buddy!
Chuck is watching a movie and thinking about life
My Thoughts
Chuck. You are the deepest person that I know. Well, first off, happy St. Patty's day. I hope you are 7 beers deep before dinner like me....what am I saying, of course you are! You are the drunkest/most contemplative person I know. But seriously, wow, what movie were you watching when you posted this ChuckDate? I can imagine two possibilities, 1. The Little Mermaid, and 2. The Phantom of the Opera.
The Little Mermaid, obviously, reminds you of how much you wanted to be a mermaid when you were growing up. I can imagine the conversation you had with your best friend on G-chat after you watched it, "yeah man, it's just like, Ariel reminded me that even though she's a mermaid she is still trapped in the water ya know, it's like, she's got the whole ocean to explore but she's still trapped, kind of like humans and how were trapped here on earth...and also trapped in our lives ya know? That movie is so deep..." Great point Chuck, but I'm pretty sure your love of the Little Mermaid really stems from the fact that you wish you could feel up Ariel's cartoon boobs.....and that's totally ok! Really it is, it's just that most of us had that feeling when we were 10.........not 25.........
AND yes yes yes yes, we all know how cultured you are Chuck, we all know how much you love the opera.....but if I can be brutally honest with you, nobody thinks it's cute when you Karaoke "Hey Ya" in your super-falsetto-opera-voice...it's really just weird. I know, I KNOW buddy, I've heard you explain that: "We all wear masks, but some of us just don't have the courage to wear them on our face." I understand that, but Chuck you need to realize that law school does not make you a "deep" person, and that if I wanted to dress up as you for halloween next year, I would have to go as a giant tear drop wearing a "contracts mask"..........I'm just sayin........anyways, I hope you contemplate life while your vomiting Green Zima tonight......and I want you to know that I'm just kidding, that opera voice is hilarious, you should do it as often as possible buddy!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Chuck is Happy Birthday to Chuck
It's Chuck's birthday! 23 big ones. I can only imagine how mind-blowing his status updates will be today......I can see him saying something like, "Chuck is deliciously young"...........OH WAIT, that's right ---->
Chuck Update - 2/27/09 - 2:14pm
Chuck is deliciously young.
My Thoughts
Ready for your birthday present Chuck? I'm gonna let this update slide.......happy birthday buddy.
Chuck Update - 2/27/09 - 2:14pm
Chuck is deliciously young.
My Thoughts
Ready for your birthday present Chuck? I'm gonna let this update slide.......happy birthday buddy.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Chuck in ONE sentence
Chuck Update - 12/18/08 - 3:22am
Chuck is awkwardly positioning himself between two goregous drunk women.
Comment 1 at 11:40am
what else is new?
Comment 2 at 5:12pm
y is that awkward?
My Thoughts
3:22am. POSITIONING. Chuck is performing the act of positioning while he is updating?.......WHAT! If Chuck had updated his status 1 minute later, at 3:23am, it would have said, "Two gorgeous women are glaring at me from across the room, and my shirt is covered in Jack and Coke."
Imagine it. So there Chuck is, hanging out at a hip after-hours spot with some of his friends after a long night of drinking. He spots two good looking ladies across the room and, after some prodding from his friends, decides to go talk to them. He leads with his "I'm a lawyer" line which causes both girls to flip their hair and perk up their chests, an immediate sign that the two ladies are into both him and money, but probably more the money. One girl says, "My friend and I love to have a good time, TOGETHER." At this juncture any normal guy would try to remain calm and think of the best way to get the party moving. Not Chuck. Chuck's mind was saying, "mustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebook", and suddenly, before he even knew what was happening, he was on his phone punching out a facebook update like a mad symphony composer and the women were gone.
Chuck is not smiling.
Chuck's decision in this situation was simultaneously the worst idea ever AND the most blatant abuse of a person's facebook updating powers that I have ever seen. I have an idea Chuck, make it less awkward by not using your phone to update your FACEBOOK status while you regale your new lady friends with stories of poorly written contracts and that professor who "totally looks like Chuck Norris!" Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic to Chuck's plight, and one possible explanation is that Chuck did not actually make the decision to update his facebook status. No no, I believe that Chuck may have been experiencing what I would call a "Facebook Blackout." It's a lot like sleepwalking, but the person can only consciously think about facebook and nothing else. Symptoms may include facebook obsession, experiencing moments of forgetfulness, and being Chuck.
An alternate theory is that Chuck merely wanted his readers to believe that he was talking to anonymous women that he had just met......and to think that he had somehow suavely introduced himself to them. Of course Chuck had to throw in the word "awkwardly" because Chuck is all about being likably awkward (Re: original). Well guess what Chuck, you are not living in a movie and the awkward guy never gets the gorgeous girl. My guess is that the women were actually his friends, and that they were not attractive at all. They were probably sitting in Chuck's living room watching youtube videos and Chuck knew that they would read his facebook update later on and that he would score brownie points for calling them "gorgeous." Brilliant plan Chuck, here's a slogan you can use for that technique, "Calling girls gorgeous on facebook but not flirting with them in person: Keeping men single since 2004!"
I love you Chuck.
Chuck is awkwardly positioning himself between two goregous drunk women.
Comment 1 at 11:40am
what else is new?
Comment 2 at 5:12pm
y is that awkward?
My Thoughts
3:22am. POSITIONING. Chuck is performing the act of positioning while he is updating?.......WHAT! If Chuck had updated his status 1 minute later, at 3:23am, it would have said, "Two gorgeous women are glaring at me from across the room, and my shirt is covered in Jack and Coke."
Imagine it. So there Chuck is, hanging out at a hip after-hours spot with some of his friends after a long night of drinking. He spots two good looking ladies across the room and, after some prodding from his friends, decides to go talk to them. He leads with his "I'm a lawyer" line which causes both girls to flip their hair and perk up their chests, an immediate sign that the two ladies are into both him and money, but probably more the money. One girl says, "My friend and I love to have a good time, TOGETHER." At this juncture any normal guy would try to remain calm and think of the best way to get the party moving. Not Chuck. Chuck's mind was saying, "mustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebook", and suddenly, before he even knew what was happening, he was on his phone punching out a facebook update like a mad symphony composer and the women were gone.
Chuck is not smiling.
Chuck's decision in this situation was simultaneously the worst idea ever AND the most blatant abuse of a person's facebook updating powers that I have ever seen. I have an idea Chuck, make it less awkward by not using your phone to update your FACEBOOK status while you regale your new lady friends with stories of poorly written contracts and that professor who "totally looks like Chuck Norris!" Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic to Chuck's plight, and one possible explanation is that Chuck did not actually make the decision to update his facebook status. No no, I believe that Chuck may have been experiencing what I would call a "Facebook Blackout." It's a lot like sleepwalking, but the person can only consciously think about facebook and nothing else. Symptoms may include facebook obsession, experiencing moments of forgetfulness, and being Chuck.
An alternate theory is that Chuck merely wanted his readers to believe that he was talking to anonymous women that he had just met......and to think that he had somehow suavely introduced himself to them. Of course Chuck had to throw in the word "awkwardly" because Chuck is all about being likably awkward (Re: original). Well guess what Chuck, you are not living in a movie and the awkward guy never gets the gorgeous girl. My guess is that the women were actually his friends, and that they were not attractive at all. They were probably sitting in Chuck's living room watching youtube videos and Chuck knew that they would read his facebook update later on and that he would score brownie points for calling them "gorgeous." Brilliant plan Chuck, here's a slogan you can use for that technique, "Calling girls gorgeous on facebook but not flirting with them in person: Keeping men single since 2004!"
I love you Chuck.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Chuck is the ordinary is extraordinary!
These updates came directly after the updates from my last post.....you know, the ones where Chuck was going into non-stop study mode/hibernation mode....................
Chuck Update - 11/25/08 - 7:51pm
Chuck is ready for the pre thanksgiving bar crawl of the century!
My Thoughts
Ahhhh yes, the pre thanksgiving bar crawl, what a magnificent and time-honored event. I see that you're going for the best one of the century - huh Chuck? Ballsy. Ballsy. It's gonna be hard to top the great pre thanksgiving bar crawl of 78', but I'm sure you've got your dancing shoes on. As we all know, this popular ritual is often marked by the type of craziness one might see at Mardi Gras , or at Chuck's favorite hangout, Borics Hair Salon.
Apparently Chuck doesn't know that "Bar Crawls" SUCK. Bar Crawls are what people who don't go to bars very often, and who don't know each other very well, do to make their night out sound more interesting (Exception: The 03' Spanish Club bar crawl was a rager!). Nobody wants to have a rigid itinerary of 6 bars that they must attend when they go out drinking. I submit that there are two possibilities here, 1. When Chuck says Bar Crawl he really means that he is going to play trivia at BW3's with his dog ("Assault") and his next door neighbor Skip, and he's just trying to play up the excitement, or 2. He really is going on a bar crawl and he really does think that it's going to be the best thing ever. If the latter is true, I imagine that Chuck made up the itinerary, and that it looked something like this:
9:30 - Walk our dogs at the dog park (I hope that Assault doesn't assault any other dogs!)
10:30 - Planet Hollywood for good drinks and good times!
11:00 - Hard Rock Cafe for good drinks, good tunes, and good times!
11:30 - Rock Band after-party at Chuck's apartment (bring your favorite flavor of gatorade!)
12:00 - Bedtime, go to sleep and think about all the good times!
Chuck Update - 11/26/08 - 4:24pm
Chuck is on the bus 8 booze cruise then hitting the town!
My Thoughts
That must have been some bar crawl the night before! It's only four in the afternoon the next day and Chuck is apparently already on the "bus 8 booze cruise" (updating his facebook status from his phone no doubt). How does Chuck have such amazing alcohol endurance and recovery time you ask? Well it's a little trick Chuck uses when he's drinking that I have nicknamed the "Houdini Clear Drinky." It's simple. Chuck will buy a bottle of Zima at the bar and pour it into a glass of ice, thus giving it the appearance of straight vodka. After that he informs all his friends (friend) that he is drinking straight vodka LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES. Chuck then begins to act drunk in the way that high school freshman - who have never drank before - act when they go to their first party, which Chuck's friends tolerate because of how much he has consumed. Thus, Chuck has accomplished his goal, he has the appearance of being a heavy-drinking, party bad-ass, but he can still get up in time to watch "Knitting with Nina" at 8:00am the next day and make it out for the booze cruise that afternoon. The Houdini Clear Drinky never fails, but Chuck, you're living a lie buddy.
Chuck Update - 11/28/08 - 3:35am
Chuck had an amazing thanksgiving... and saw a bus driver sleeping at a green light while her passengers looked around confused.
My Thoughts
This update may seem straightforward and harmless, but don't be fooled. Chuck is continuing his pattern of making his life seem more interesting than it is. You had an amazing thanksgiving Chuck? What made it amazing? I MUST KNOW!
What really irks me is that I don't understand how every day of Chuck's life can be better than every day of my own? On Thanksgiving Day I was at an official lottery office cashing in my 100 million dollar winner with Marvin Gaye privately performing "Let's Get it on" for me while I was banging Scarlett Johansson and sucking down a slurpee (half coke/half wild cherry), but all I could think about was how good Chuck's turkey must have tasted, and how funny his crazy Uncle Ron's jokes must have been. Damn you Chuck, I'm jealous and I'm not even sure why.
Chuck Update - 11/29/08 - 12:18pm
Chuck is in hibernation mode until finals are over... and craving leftover turkey.
My Thoughts
What are the chances that Chuck would not be craving leftover turkey? ZERO PERCENT. Chuck has to be craving leftover turkey because he is so seasonal and festive! Remember how much Chuck loves fall...("Chuck loves, loves fall")? Fall is just a season......you can only imagine how much Chuck loves holidays! As for Chuck's birthday........he has sworn his friends to secrecy about that, but let's just say that the reason he changes his pants 10 times on his birthday isn't that he can't decide what to wear.........
And there it is again, "hibernation mode"..................Go fuck yourself Chuck, I'm not buying it for a second.
Chuck Update - 11/25/08 - 7:51pm
Chuck is ready for the pre thanksgiving bar crawl of the century!
My Thoughts
Ahhhh yes, the pre thanksgiving bar crawl, what a magnificent and time-honored event. I see that you're going for the best one of the century - huh Chuck? Ballsy. Ballsy. It's gonna be hard to top the great pre thanksgiving bar crawl of 78', but I'm sure you've got your dancing shoes on. As we all know, this popular ritual is often marked by the type of craziness one might see at Mardi Gras , or at Chuck's favorite hangout, Borics Hair Salon.
Apparently Chuck doesn't know that "Bar Crawls" SUCK. Bar Crawls are what people who don't go to bars very often, and who don't know each other very well, do to make their night out sound more interesting (Exception: The 03' Spanish Club bar crawl was a rager!). Nobody wants to have a rigid itinerary of 6 bars that they must attend when they go out drinking. I submit that there are two possibilities here, 1. When Chuck says Bar Crawl he really means that he is going to play trivia at BW3's with his dog ("Assault") and his next door neighbor Skip, and he's just trying to play up the excitement, or 2. He really is going on a bar crawl and he really does think that it's going to be the best thing ever. If the latter is true, I imagine that Chuck made up the itinerary, and that it looked something like this:
9:30 - Walk our dogs at the dog park (I hope that Assault doesn't assault any other dogs!)
10:30 - Planet Hollywood for good drinks and good times!
11:00 - Hard Rock Cafe for good drinks, good tunes, and good times!
11:30 - Rock Band after-party at Chuck's apartment (bring your favorite flavor of gatorade!)
12:00 - Bedtime, go to sleep and think about all the good times!
Chuck Update - 11/26/08 - 4:24pm
Chuck is on the bus 8 booze cruise then hitting the town!
My Thoughts
That must have been some bar crawl the night before! It's only four in the afternoon the next day and Chuck is apparently already on the "bus 8 booze cruise" (updating his facebook status from his phone no doubt). How does Chuck have such amazing alcohol endurance and recovery time you ask? Well it's a little trick Chuck uses when he's drinking that I have nicknamed the "Houdini Clear Drinky." It's simple. Chuck will buy a bottle of Zima at the bar and pour it into a glass of ice, thus giving it the appearance of straight vodka. After that he informs all his friends (friend) that he is drinking straight vodka LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES. Chuck then begins to act drunk in the way that high school freshman - who have never drank before - act when they go to their first party, which Chuck's friends tolerate because of how much he has consumed. Thus, Chuck has accomplished his goal, he has the appearance of being a heavy-drinking, party bad-ass, but he can still get up in time to watch "Knitting with Nina" at 8:00am the next day and make it out for the booze cruise that afternoon. The Houdini Clear Drinky never fails, but Chuck, you're living a lie buddy.
Chuck Update - 11/28/08 - 3:35am
Chuck had an amazing thanksgiving... and saw a bus driver sleeping at a green light while her passengers looked around confused.
My Thoughts
This update may seem straightforward and harmless, but don't be fooled. Chuck is continuing his pattern of making his life seem more interesting than it is. You had an amazing thanksgiving Chuck? What made it amazing? I MUST KNOW!
What really irks me is that I don't understand how every day of Chuck's life can be better than every day of my own? On Thanksgiving Day I was at an official lottery office cashing in my 100 million dollar winner with Marvin Gaye privately performing "Let's Get it on" for me while I was banging Scarlett Johansson and sucking down a slurpee (half coke/half wild cherry), but all I could think about was how good Chuck's turkey must have tasted, and how funny his crazy Uncle Ron's jokes must have been. Damn you Chuck, I'm jealous and I'm not even sure why.
Chuck Update - 11/29/08 - 12:18pm
Chuck is in hibernation mode until finals are over... and craving leftover turkey.
My Thoughts
What are the chances that Chuck would not be craving leftover turkey? ZERO PERCENT. Chuck has to be craving leftover turkey because he is so seasonal and festive! Remember how much Chuck loves fall...("Chuck loves, loves fall")? Fall is just a season......you can only imagine how much Chuck loves holidays! As for Chuck's birthday........he has sworn his friends to secrecy about that, but let's just say that the reason he changes his pants 10 times on his birthday isn't that he can't decide what to wear.........
And there it is again, "hibernation mode"..................Go fuck yourself Chuck, I'm not buying it for a second.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Chuck is STUDYING
Chuck Update - 11/15/08 - 5:27pm
Chuck 's first final is december fifth, so he hopes you enjoyed seeing him while you had the chance. entering nonstop study mode...
My Thoughts
I'm going to be establishing a string of contradictory behavior from Chuck, and this update is the, "first link in the chain of evidence!", a phrase Chuck has certainly uttered as a joke many times, provoking uncontrollable laughter from his friends.
More on this update later.....
Chuck Update - 11/22/08 - 8:46pm
Chuck is staying in to study and cook. i just made the most badass sauce from scratch. i am so cool.
Comment 1 at 8:57pm
I dont know if you are that cool . . .. :o)
Chuck's response at 9:06pm
i think we both know that i am. tell your friends
Comment 2 at 9:16pm (different commenter)
did it involve ketchup? because then it really isn't from scratch.
Comment 3 at 9:26pm (different commenter)
Careful! Not too many heart attacks before Thanksgiving..... What time are we shopping tomorrow?
My Thoughts
Chuck clearly views cooking the same way he views law school, which is that only the "bad-assest of bad-asses" can do it. WRONG. WRONG. Oh you made a sauce from scratch Chuck? You do not qualify as a good cook merely because a "sauce" came out of your body while you were having a dream about Oprah.
Oh and we get it Chuck, you are ALWAYS studying no matter what else you're doing:
"Chuck is operating a fork lift while reading the Model Penal Code!"
"Chuck is sleeping and studying, osmosis baby, osmosis!"
"Chuck is at the ER after breaking both his arms and is amazed at how well he can use his toes to turn the pages of his Contracts book!"
"Chuck is tortin' and fuckin'!"
The interaction between Chuck and the people that comment on his updates reminds of old people that tell the same jokes over and over again and laugh at themselves every time they do it. If there had been a 4th comment it probably would have said, "You are what you eat Chuck!" But seriously, what they're really doing is playing the least funny game I've ever seen in my life, and pretending like it's all new and original...........I'm so cool! No you're not! YES I AM! It's opposite day! Haha! Lol! I need a Boone's Farm ASAP!
Chuck Update - 11/23/08 - 12:33pm
Chuck is going into hibernation until finals are over.
My Thoughts
Law students always say this shit. It would be OK if wasn't so completely overdramatic. Hibernation mode, really? Did you steal that from Obama's blog Chuck? "Guess what! I just won the presidency, 4 years of hibernation starts in January!"
However ludicrous it sounded, I was willing to give Chuck the benefit of the doubt because I've known some law students who pretty much only eat, sleep, and study during exams......however my faith in Chuck was shaken when I saw his next update......... --->
Chuck Update - 11/24/08 - 6:02pm
Chuck is kicking ass today and tomorrow so he can take wed and thurs off. seriously kids, lets all agree that wed and thurs are lawschool free days.
1 Comment from Chuck's friends at 8:56pm
i LOVE your contradicting statuses
Chuck's Response at 12:08am
haha. i get lazy so quickly
My Thoughts
Really Chuck? Really? The next fucking day? The day after you say you're going into "Hibernation" you are saying that you want to take TWO days off from law school? Chuck, all I really want is for you to be honest with yourself buddy. Law school isn't hard, you don't study during every waking moment, and you could never be a bear because bears are NEVER metrosexual. Sorry dude, it's science.
Oh in case you forgot, "Nonstop study mode" started back on 11/15! You would think that after being called out by his friend that Chuck would stop all the extreme hyperbole, but these hibernation/nonstop studying updates keep on coming! That's right. THERE. ARE. MORE. Oh, and what the fuck is the deal with LOVE being in all caps in that guy's comment. Does he actually love Chuck's contradicting updates? Does he like being attacked by bands of scorpions?
Now Chuck is quite deceiving when he says "I get lazy so quickly." Although on the surface it may appear like an admission, it is really just an attempt by Chuck to maintain a measure of coolness. In response to Chuck's comment, I wrote him a letter, it said:
Dear Chuck,
Quit trying to be everything to everybody and just become a real person.
Love,
A Concerned Friend
Chuck wrote me back:
Dear Chuck Blog Writer,
Sorry it took me so long to respond, I was studying. Anyways, you're an asshole.
Chuck
Monday, February 2, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Chuck is QUIZZING results and thoughts
So let's take a look at how many votes there were for each answer:
Question 1 Question 2 Question 3 Question 4 Question 5
A. 2 A. 1 A. 0 A. 0 A. 0
B. 1 B. 0 B. 2 B. 3 B. 1
C. 1 C. 2 C. 1 C. 2 C. 1
D. 1 D. 2 D. 2 D. 0 D. 2
And the CORRECT answers were:
Question 1: A
Question 2: C
Question 3: A
Question 4: D
Question 5: C
And the WINNERS of the Chuck-Quiz are Po Boy and chuckfanatic with 2 out of 5 each. Nice job guys. As for RP^3 and my roommate (anonymous), you guys answered 0 questions correctly......better luck on the upcoming Chuck quote contest!
As it turns out there was a plurality vote for the correct answer for only 1 out of the 5 questions (and a tie on another question), and there were also 2 out of 5 questions for which nobody voted for the correct answer. However, I would say that the 2 questions for which nobody guessed the correct answer were the two most difficult questions. Also notable is that one commenter thought that all the answers were C, as did another person who did not post their answers......not in a million years could I have planned the quiz out in order to make it look like every answer was C, so that was fairly surprising....and notably awesome. Anyways, my thoughts...
Question 1 - Corrrect answer: A
A. Chuck is now im feeling hella good so im gonna keep on dancing!
B. Chuck is everybody loves raymond and chuck!
C. Chuck is singing some taylor swift in the shower and doesnt care who hears him!
D. Chuck is having trouble deciding if these brown shoes match his shirt!
You nailed it Po Boy. This was classic Chuck.
I think there are three main factors that make this so Chuckish, 1. He mentions wanting to dance, 2. He says "hella good", which is the classic balance of cool and corny that Chuck is constantly shooting for, and 3. The energy......the way he says hella good and talks about dancing, coupled with the exclamation point at the end show the reader that Chuck is energetic and in a good mood, which are things he always strives to portray unless the update is about law school.
Question 2 - Correct answer: C
A. Chuck wishes i could rid the world of ohio state fans!
B. Chuck misses the bus once a week no matter how early i get up! no class today!
C. Chuck wishes i had been watching football instead of studying! go blue!
D. Chuck misses the simpler times when I was in undergrad!
A great analysis by both Chuckfanatic and Po Boy on this one. Chuck LOVES to let people know he's studying and I would say it's rare that he would mention football or sports without mentioning studying in the same sentence. I would also agree that Chuck is a glass half full kind of guy and that he probably would not say that he wanted to rid the world of Ohio State fans (although take note of his update in question 4). I think D was a totally legit answer except that the "I" is capitalized, which is a dead giveaway that it's not Chuck since he never capitalizes anything (nor does he often use apostrophes or commas).
What's different and interesting about this Chuck update is that the "studying v. leisure activity" dichotomy is in the past tense instead of in the present, showing us that Chuck now REGRETS having studied earlier in the day (instead of "Chuck is watching dolphins and made the right choice"). Seriously? WOW Chuck, what a terrible regret to have in life, who knew that going through the most rigorous academic program known to man (a lower tier law school program) would entail such sacrifice? Years from now I'm sure you'll remember this game and the fact that you studied instead of watching it.....but listen, scars are reminders buddy, and they will only make you stronger. Remember when John Travolta's character decides to keep his scar in the movie Face/Off even though the surgeon could remove it for him? Exactly.
Question 3 - Correct answer: A
A. Chuck is doing law college stuff
B. Chuck is doing homework whilst not wearing a shirt
C. Chuck is school sucks but his classmates rock!
D. Chuck is torting then rock band then torting then sleeping!
This was probably the most challenging question, as it was both subtle and simplistic. I can see why answer B was picked twice, as it involved homework but was also provocative and likely to garner comments from his friends. There were two votes for D, but Chuck usually doesn't provide an extensive schedule of his daily events unless they include cooking, drinking, studying, and watching tv in some order.
This update may have been subtle, but it was PURE Chuck. If Chuck had let me write this update for him, it would have said, "Chuck is in law school and doing things that are so complex that people who aren't in law school could never understand them, even rocket scientists would be blown away, no pun intended!" This update is clearly begging for questions as well, since if Chuck was doing homework he would have just said, "Chuck is dying slowly and painfully, but wishes he was at a petting zoo"........Instead, Chuck knew his friends would be thinking, "What other law college stuff is there besides homework??? I MUST KNOW!"
Question 4 - Correct answer: D
A. Chuck is a better cook than sarah palin!
B. Chuck is wondering how anyone could vote for a man that cant use the internet?
C. Chuck is palin could learn a thing or two from law school or by reading the constitution!
D. Chuck is mccain is a desperate and pathetic old white man.
I can't blame anyone for picking B here. Chuck would totally say that. I'm glad some people picked C too because Chuck, and many first year law students in general, think that they know a great deal about the law, even though they are clueless. If you've ever had a conversation with a first year law student about some sort of legal-related news, they will pontificate upon the subject for a moment, but if you ask them even one question they won't have an answer because they don't really know much. It's funny and sad and true, like Budweiser, but with funny and sad added in.
This may have been the most 'unfair' question because the political/caustic/negative side of Chuck is almost never apparent. However, I do think that the language used in this update is hilarious and right up Chuck's alley. WHY would Chuck post this as an update? Is he trying to show his small town friends (re: republicans) that he left behind when he moved to the big city how liberal he is now? Regardless, I think that we can all agree that we appreciate Chuck's contributions to the political dialogue. I remember when the election was a few days away and I was planning to vote for Mccain, mostly because I wanted to hatefuck Sarah Palin, but then I saw this Chuck update and I knew I couldn't vote for him. He's old and white? WHAT! I didn't know that! Seriously? WHITE? Who knew? Thanks Chuck, democracy is safe in your hands.
Question 5 - Correct answer: C
A. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to build a snowman in the entrance to your store, maybe you shouldnt have a sign that says “holiday cheer is welcome here!”
B. Chuck if you don’t want random drunk people to raid your buffet, maybe you shouldnt be open at 3 in the afternoon! recovering now!
C. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to stumble into your house and sleep in your bed, maybe your welcome mat shouldnt say "come in, the parties inside!"
D. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to play duck duck goose, maybe your bar shouldnt have circular tables!
The fake updates in this question were the most fun to write because I stuck to the format of the actual update and I just tried to come up with ridiculous, yet Chuck-like, shit. I also loved chuckfanatic's explanation as to why he picked C, the correct answer, when he said, "I really really want this one to be true." Others who answered seemed to think that Chuck was incapable of having an experience as described in that update, and I would tend to agree with that assessment. However, remember that Chuck thinks being drunk and random is updating his facebook status at 2:30am. I definitely thought that the duck duck goose answer was the most believable, although Po Boy made a compelling argument for the 'buffet' answer, and I would mention that "recovering now" was a last minute addition to that answer.
Let's take a moment to dissect this. I think that I, along with any rational human being, would not assume that a sign saying that there is a party means that the party host is expecting drunk people to just enter his house and immediately pass out in his bed. But is that what Chuck did? If so, I would imagine that he stumbled into the house, pushed his way past some good looking girls, slammed half a bottle of Zima, yelled "bah bah bah" because Sweet Caroline was playing, and then passed out on the homeowner's bed. Newsflash: THAT IS NOT A PARTY CHUCK. That is called being the asshole who can't hold his liquor (Zima). Chuck, what you are describing sounds a lot like the parties that I used to have when I was in 3rd grade, but instead of calling them parties we called them “Sleepovers”, and instead of drinking Zima we drank mountain dew and caught a caffeine buzz. It's nothing personal Chuck, but I would have dipped your hand in cold water SO FAST if you had ever attended one of my sleepovers! Obviously you're always first to fall asleep.....
In reality, none of this probably happened. But what's hilarious is that Chuck tried really hard to make that update sound so cool and he failed SO MISERABLY. Better luck next time Chuck, try mixing your Zima with water......
Question 1 Question 2 Question 3 Question 4 Question 5
A. 2 A. 1 A. 0 A. 0 A. 0
B. 1 B. 0 B. 2 B. 3 B. 1
C. 1 C. 2 C. 1 C. 2 C. 1
D. 1 D. 2 D. 2 D. 0 D. 2
And the CORRECT answers were:
Question 1: A
Question 2: C
Question 3: A
Question 4: D
Question 5: C
And the WINNERS of the Chuck-Quiz are Po Boy and chuckfanatic with 2 out of 5 each. Nice job guys. As for RP^3 and my roommate (anonymous), you guys answered 0 questions correctly......better luck on the upcoming Chuck quote contest!
As it turns out there was a plurality vote for the correct answer for only 1 out of the 5 questions (and a tie on another question), and there were also 2 out of 5 questions for which nobody voted for the correct answer. However, I would say that the 2 questions for which nobody guessed the correct answer were the two most difficult questions. Also notable is that one commenter thought that all the answers were C, as did another person who did not post their answers......not in a million years could I have planned the quiz out in order to make it look like every answer was C, so that was fairly surprising....and notably awesome. Anyways, my thoughts...
Question 1 - Corrrect answer: A
A. Chuck is now im feeling hella good so im gonna keep on dancing!
B. Chuck is everybody loves raymond and chuck!
C. Chuck is singing some taylor swift in the shower and doesnt care who hears him!
D. Chuck is having trouble deciding if these brown shoes match his shirt!
You nailed it Po Boy. This was classic Chuck.
I think there are three main factors that make this so Chuckish, 1. He mentions wanting to dance, 2. He says "hella good", which is the classic balance of cool and corny that Chuck is constantly shooting for, and 3. The energy......the way he says hella good and talks about dancing, coupled with the exclamation point at the end show the reader that Chuck is energetic and in a good mood, which are things he always strives to portray unless the update is about law school.
Question 2 - Correct answer: C
A. Chuck wishes i could rid the world of ohio state fans!
B. Chuck misses the bus once a week no matter how early i get up! no class today!
C. Chuck wishes i had been watching football instead of studying! go blue!
D. Chuck misses the simpler times when I was in undergrad!
A great analysis by both Chuckfanatic and Po Boy on this one. Chuck LOVES to let people know he's studying and I would say it's rare that he would mention football or sports without mentioning studying in the same sentence. I would also agree that Chuck is a glass half full kind of guy and that he probably would not say that he wanted to rid the world of Ohio State fans (although take note of his update in question 4). I think D was a totally legit answer except that the "I" is capitalized, which is a dead giveaway that it's not Chuck since he never capitalizes anything (nor does he often use apostrophes or commas).
What's different and interesting about this Chuck update is that the "studying v. leisure activity" dichotomy is in the past tense instead of in the present, showing us that Chuck now REGRETS having studied earlier in the day (instead of "Chuck is watching dolphins and made the right choice"). Seriously? WOW Chuck, what a terrible regret to have in life, who knew that going through the most rigorous academic program known to man (a lower tier law school program) would entail such sacrifice? Years from now I'm sure you'll remember this game and the fact that you studied instead of watching it.....but listen, scars are reminders buddy, and they will only make you stronger. Remember when John Travolta's character decides to keep his scar in the movie Face/Off even though the surgeon could remove it for him? Exactly.
Question 3 - Correct answer: A
A. Chuck is doing law college stuff
B. Chuck is doing homework whilst not wearing a shirt
C. Chuck is school sucks but his classmates rock!
D. Chuck is torting then rock band then torting then sleeping!
This was probably the most challenging question, as it was both subtle and simplistic. I can see why answer B was picked twice, as it involved homework but was also provocative and likely to garner comments from his friends. There were two votes for D, but Chuck usually doesn't provide an extensive schedule of his daily events unless they include cooking, drinking, studying, and watching tv in some order.
This update may have been subtle, but it was PURE Chuck. If Chuck had let me write this update for him, it would have said, "Chuck is in law school and doing things that are so complex that people who aren't in law school could never understand them, even rocket scientists would be blown away, no pun intended!" This update is clearly begging for questions as well, since if Chuck was doing homework he would have just said, "Chuck is dying slowly and painfully, but wishes he was at a petting zoo"........Instead, Chuck knew his friends would be thinking, "What other law college stuff is there besides homework??? I MUST KNOW!"
Question 4 - Correct answer: D
A. Chuck is a better cook than sarah palin!
B. Chuck is wondering how anyone could vote for a man that cant use the internet?
C. Chuck is palin could learn a thing or two from law school or by reading the constitution!
D. Chuck is mccain is a desperate and pathetic old white man.
I can't blame anyone for picking B here. Chuck would totally say that. I'm glad some people picked C too because Chuck, and many first year law students in general, think that they know a great deal about the law, even though they are clueless. If you've ever had a conversation with a first year law student about some sort of legal-related news, they will pontificate upon the subject for a moment, but if you ask them even one question they won't have an answer because they don't really know much. It's funny and sad and true, like Budweiser, but with funny and sad added in.
This may have been the most 'unfair' question because the political/caustic/negative side of Chuck is almost never apparent. However, I do think that the language used in this update is hilarious and right up Chuck's alley. WHY would Chuck post this as an update? Is he trying to show his small town friends (re: republicans) that he left behind when he moved to the big city how liberal he is now? Regardless, I think that we can all agree that we appreciate Chuck's contributions to the political dialogue. I remember when the election was a few days away and I was planning to vote for Mccain, mostly because I wanted to hatefuck Sarah Palin, but then I saw this Chuck update and I knew I couldn't vote for him. He's old and white? WHAT! I didn't know that! Seriously? WHITE? Who knew? Thanks Chuck, democracy is safe in your hands.
Question 5 - Correct answer: C
A. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to build a snowman in the entrance to your store, maybe you shouldnt have a sign that says “holiday cheer is welcome here!”
B. Chuck if you don’t want random drunk people to raid your buffet, maybe you shouldnt be open at 3 in the afternoon! recovering now!
C. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to stumble into your house and sleep in your bed, maybe your welcome mat shouldnt say "come in, the parties inside!"
D. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to play duck duck goose, maybe your bar shouldnt have circular tables!
The fake updates in this question were the most fun to write because I stuck to the format of the actual update and I just tried to come up with ridiculous, yet Chuck-like, shit. I also loved chuckfanatic's explanation as to why he picked C, the correct answer, when he said, "I really really want this one to be true." Others who answered seemed to think that Chuck was incapable of having an experience as described in that update, and I would tend to agree with that assessment. However, remember that Chuck thinks being drunk and random is updating his facebook status at 2:30am. I definitely thought that the duck duck goose answer was the most believable, although Po Boy made a compelling argument for the 'buffet' answer, and I would mention that "recovering now" was a last minute addition to that answer.
Let's take a moment to dissect this. I think that I, along with any rational human being, would not assume that a sign saying that there is a party means that the party host is expecting drunk people to just enter his house and immediately pass out in his bed. But is that what Chuck did? If so, I would imagine that he stumbled into the house, pushed his way past some good looking girls, slammed half a bottle of Zima, yelled "bah bah bah" because Sweet Caroline was playing, and then passed out on the homeowner's bed. Newsflash: THAT IS NOT A PARTY CHUCK. That is called being the asshole who can't hold his liquor (Zima). Chuck, what you are describing sounds a lot like the parties that I used to have when I was in 3rd grade, but instead of calling them parties we called them “Sleepovers”, and instead of drinking Zima we drank mountain dew and caught a caffeine buzz. It's nothing personal Chuck, but I would have dipped your hand in cold water SO FAST if you had ever attended one of my sleepovers! Obviously you're always first to fall asleep.....
In reality, none of this probably happened. But what's hilarious is that Chuck tried really hard to make that update sound so cool and he failed SO MISERABLY. Better luck next time Chuck, try mixing your Zima with water......
Friday, January 23, 2009
CHUCK IS QUIZZING
I thought it would be fun to have a Chuck quiz, so here's how it will work: Each question will contain 4 answers, 3 of them will be fake Chuck updates that I make up, and one of them will be a real Chuck update, and the goal is to choose the answer that contains the real Chuck update. Post your answers as a comment on this blog entry.........I would also love to see your thoughts as to why you thought a particular answer was the real one. I will be HARNESSING Chuck when I create the fake updates, so choose wisely. After a few days I will divulge the correct answers and also give my two cents about the Chuck updates.
Enjoy!
Question 1
A. Chuck is now im feeling hella good so im gonna keep on dancing!
B. Chuck is everybody loves raymond and chuck!
C. Chuck is singing some taylor swift in the shower and doesnt care who hears him!
D. Chuck is having trouble deciding if these brown shoes match his shirt!
Question 2
A. Chuck wishes i could rid the world of ohio state fans!
B. Chuck misses the bus once a week no matter how early i get up! no class today!
C. Chuck wishes i had been watching football instead of studying! go blue!
D. Chuck misses the simpler times when I was in undergrad!
Question 3
A. Chuck is doing law college stuff
B. Chuck is doing homework whilst not wearing a shirt
C. Chuck is school sucks but his classmates rock!
D. Chuck is torting then rock band then torting then sleeping!
Question 4
A. Chuck is a better cook than sarah palin!
B. Chuck is wondering how anyone could vote for a man that cant use the internet?
C. Chuck is palin could learn a thing or two from law school or by reading the constitution!
D. Chuck is mccain is a desperate and pathetic old white man.
Question 5
A. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to build a snowman in the entrance to your store, maybe you shouldnt have a sign that says “holiday cheer is welcome here!”
B. Chuck if you don’t want random drunk people to raid your buffet, maybe you shouldnt be open at 3 in the afternoon! recovering now!
C. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to stumble into your house and sleep in your bed, maybe your welcome mat shouldnt say "come in, the parties inside!"
D. Chuck if you dont want random drunk people to play duck duck goose, maybe your bar shouldnt have circular tables!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Chuck: Contradictor, Rebel, Comedy Provider, Nature Lover
Chuck Update - 9/28/08 - 12:19pm
Chuck http://www.hulu.com/watch/36863/saturday-night-live-couric--palin-open.
My thoughts
A link to that skit from SNL where Tina Fey does a killer impression of Sarah Palin, AWESOME!!! Thanks for posting this link on this lovely MONDAY AFTERNOON Chuck! However, wildly enough, I happen to have seen it already. Can you believe that shit? You see, I communicate often with my pen pal in Namibia and I received a letter from him in the mail on Monday morning which contained the link to this video, so I guess he beat you to the punch......but just barely! Even though this video shot through the internet like wildfire, I'm sure you were enjoying some "random drunkenness" and didn't learn about it until today. Thanks for the effort Chuck, the tortoise always beats the hare!
Chuck Update - 9/30/08 - 4:29pm
Chuck is fighting the blues.
Chuck Update - 10/03/08 - 12:37am
Chuck is sick of school, but cant be depressed when its fall in this beautiful town!
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends at 12:47am
This town must have a very different effect on you than me. I couldn't say, however, how it might affect the reasonably prudent person.
My thoughts
The reasonably prudent person!?! Bravo commenter. As you've clearly figured out, legal jokes are HILARIOUS. Well, they're either hilarious or a thinly veiled attempt to show off your limited legal knowledge. Obviously this commenter has been learning a great deal under the tutelage of Master Chuck. Regardless, I don't know why law students think its socially acceptable to make these types of tenuous connections between what they've learned in school and their every day conversations and observations. Last year I watched the season finale of the Bachelor with 4 med students (I know I know, but they were all girls.....). Anyways, when the Bachelor was about to put the engagement ring on Sarah's finger, NONE of the med students turned to me and said, "I can't believe the Bachelor is about to put that engagement ring on Sarah's second metacarpal on her left manus! She'll be able to feel it because of her median nerve, but I bet her nerves are way above the median! HEY-OHHHH!"
Chuck Update - 10/03/08 - 6:34pm
Chuck is LAW SCHOOL BOOZE CRUISE!
Chuck Update - 10/04/08 - 9:14pm
Chuck is staying in to watch sports and read contracts :(.
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends - 11:34pm
chuck you don't watch sports. come on.
Chuck's response at 11:36pm
... i was flipping between the cubs and titanic
My thoughts
Chuck. BUDDY. Come on. You're slipping! It took you TWO WHOLE MINUTES to respond to your friend's comment. I will assume that your delay in responding was caused by the fact that you were flipping between Titanic, the Notebook, AND "The Cubs: the Beginning of the Berenstein Bears." I think that the reason the Chuck System is so impressive is because of how he dedicates one of his fingers to clicking "Refresh" on his browser at all times, so as not to miss any changes on facebook. I'm also blown away by the amazing amount of self contradiction Chuck can fit into two sentences. He was flipping between a baseball game and a movie, while supposedly reading contracts? DOUBTFUL. Everyone knows that you can't read contracts while watching Titanic or a Cubs game because of the tears that well up in your eyes. As always, Chuck should have had me write this update for him, and it would have said, "Chuck is soaking in his bathtub while watching Titanic, and his water is warmer than the water Jack and Rose are in! Oops, I just got bubbles on my keyboard!"
Chuck Update - 10/05/08 - 11:31pm
Chuck is watching a special about dolphins instead of outlining, and made the right choice :).
My thoughts
"Dolphins? DOLPHINS! No he dih-int!"............I'm SURE that's what Chuck thought his friends would be thinking when they read this update. You see, Chuck wants to be respected for studying hard, but he also makes it quite clear that he has a wild, unpredictable side and you never know what he might do next. Sorry Chuck, but it's all too transparent! I'm just waiting until you take it to the next level with your updates with something like, "Chuck just pooped. DAMNIT. I can't believe I just wasted 5 minutes. I should have done some torting while I was in there."
On another note, the smugness of the smiley face at the end of Chuck's update made me throw up a little.
Chuck http://www.hulu.com/watch/36863/saturday-night-live-couric--palin-open.
My thoughts
A link to that skit from SNL where Tina Fey does a killer impression of Sarah Palin, AWESOME!!! Thanks for posting this link on this lovely MONDAY AFTERNOON Chuck! However, wildly enough, I happen to have seen it already. Can you believe that shit? You see, I communicate often with my pen pal in Namibia and I received a letter from him in the mail on Monday morning which contained the link to this video, so I guess he beat you to the punch......but just barely! Even though this video shot through the internet like wildfire, I'm sure you were enjoying some "random drunkenness" and didn't learn about it until today. Thanks for the effort Chuck, the tortoise always beats the hare!
Chuck Update - 9/30/08 - 4:29pm
Chuck is fighting the blues.
Chuck Update - 10/03/08 - 12:37am
Chuck is sick of school, but cant be depressed when its fall in this beautiful town!
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends at 12:47am
This town must have a very different effect on you than me. I couldn't say, however, how it might affect the reasonably prudent person.
My thoughts
The reasonably prudent person!?! Bravo commenter. As you've clearly figured out, legal jokes are HILARIOUS. Well, they're either hilarious or a thinly veiled attempt to show off your limited legal knowledge. Obviously this commenter has been learning a great deal under the tutelage of Master Chuck. Regardless, I don't know why law students think its socially acceptable to make these types of tenuous connections between what they've learned in school and their every day conversations and observations. Last year I watched the season finale of the Bachelor with 4 med students (I know I know, but they were all girls.....). Anyways, when the Bachelor was about to put the engagement ring on Sarah's finger, NONE of the med students turned to me and said, "I can't believe the Bachelor is about to put that engagement ring on Sarah's second metacarpal on her left manus! She'll be able to feel it because of her median nerve, but I bet her nerves are way above the median! HEY-OHHHH!"
Chuck Update - 10/03/08 - 6:34pm
Chuck is LAW SCHOOL BOOZE CRUISE!
Chuck Update - 10/04/08 - 9:14pm
Chuck is staying in to watch sports and read contracts :(.
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends - 11:34pm
chuck you don't watch sports. come on.
Chuck's response at 11:36pm
... i was flipping between the cubs and titanic
My thoughts
Chuck. BUDDY. Come on. You're slipping! It took you TWO WHOLE MINUTES to respond to your friend's comment. I will assume that your delay in responding was caused by the fact that you were flipping between Titanic, the Notebook, AND "The Cubs: the Beginning of the Berenstein Bears." I think that the reason the Chuck System is so impressive is because of how he dedicates one of his fingers to clicking "Refresh" on his browser at all times, so as not to miss any changes on facebook. I'm also blown away by the amazing amount of self contradiction Chuck can fit into two sentences. He was flipping between a baseball game and a movie, while supposedly reading contracts? DOUBTFUL. Everyone knows that you can't read contracts while watching Titanic or a Cubs game because of the tears that well up in your eyes. As always, Chuck should have had me write this update for him, and it would have said, "Chuck is soaking in his bathtub while watching Titanic, and his water is warmer than the water Jack and Rose are in! Oops, I just got bubbles on my keyboard!"
Chuck Update - 10/05/08 - 11:31pm
Chuck is watching a special about dolphins instead of outlining, and made the right choice :).
My thoughts
"Dolphins? DOLPHINS! No he dih-int!"............I'm SURE that's what Chuck thought his friends would be thinking when they read this update. You see, Chuck wants to be respected for studying hard, but he also makes it quite clear that he has a wild, unpredictable side and you never know what he might do next. Sorry Chuck, but it's all too transparent! I'm just waiting until you take it to the next level with your updates with something like, "Chuck just pooped. DAMNIT. I can't believe I just wasted 5 minutes. I should have done some torting while I was in there."
On another note, the smugness of the smiley face at the end of Chuck's update made me throw up a little.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Chuck is a happy rebel
Chuck Update - 10/13/08 - 5:04am
Chuck is smiling.
My thoughts
This is a Chuck Cliffhanger if I've ever seen one, Chuck was obviously thinking, "There's a MILLION reasons I could be smiling, and people are gonna wanna know what the real reason is!". However, I think I've cracked the case. Chuck posted this update at 5:04am, and I'm pretty sure there was a woman lying in his bed when he updated. I can picture it in my head: Chuck put the tip in, just barely, then the girl moaned a little, and Chuck got a huge grin on his face. Then he realized that if he told everyone on facebook that he was smiling then all his friends would ask him why he was smiling and he would be able to brag about losing his virginity. So he ran out of bed and into the den, wearing only toe socks and a lambskin condom, and updated his facebook status. He felt excited after the update and thought to himself, "The world shall know the truth!" Meanwhile, his late night lover quietly slipped out the front door and left a note on the coffee table that said, "Sorry Chuck, I don't wanna fuck."
Chuck Update - 10/13/08 - 10:51pm
Chuck is surging ahead in his studies!
Chuck Update - 10/14/08 - 5:08pm
Chuck just voted for Obama! OBAMA BIDEN 08!
Chuck Update - 10/16/08 - 1:28am
Chuck is going to be up all night doing homework, so i can go home for the weekend and fall incredibly far behind.
1 Comment from Chuck's friends at 1:48am
me too :'(
Chuck's response at 1:50am
im skipping larc and torts like its 4th grade and you can just do that without dropping out of the top ten percent
My thoughts
Another brilliant phrase straight out of the "Dictionary of Chuck." Most of us understand the generally accepted meaning of staying up all night and doing homework. However, in the language of Chuck, staying up all night and doing homework clearly means to bring up facebook on his web browser and repeatedly hit "refresh" until someone comments on his most recent post. Notice that Chuck responded to his friend's comment TWO minutes after it was posted. TWO! Not to mention that he compared skipping two law school classes to skipping class in 4th grade. Did anyone skip class in 4th grade? Maybe a few ultra-rebels, but I assure you that Chuck was not one of them. Chuck was the kid in 4th grade art class who cried when his clay pot didn't come out looking perfect, not the kid who smoked Marlboro Reds on the playground. Regardless, Chuck is super cool for skipping class and has my vote for "Badass Law Student of the Year Who Skips Class All the Time and Doesn't Even Give a Fuck."
Chuck Update - 10/16/08 - 4:51pm
Chuck is literally a train wreck. after stressing out about skipping class and then staying up all night to finish my homework assignment... my train left early...
2 Comments from Chuck's Friends
Comment 1 - Well that sucks. How is Law School going? Its gotta be tough, but if you can handle being a manager, you can do anything. Ha
Comment 2 - it's impossible for you to 'literally' be a train wreck. you would have to be a train...
My thoughts
Stressing out about skipping class? I thought you were skipping class "like it's 4th grade" Chuck? Guess not. Clearly commenter number 1 has bought into Chuck's "law school is so hard - please feel sorry for me" schtick. Personally I'd rather get paid to go to law school then get paid to be a manager at Burger King. As for commenter number 2, WOW......
NOTE to all students of the Chuck Academy of Comedic Arts and Online Commenting: the Academy does NOT make you a funny person, it makes people want to stab you. Please give Clown College a try.
Chuck is smiling.
My thoughts
This is a Chuck Cliffhanger if I've ever seen one, Chuck was obviously thinking, "There's a MILLION reasons I could be smiling, and people are gonna wanna know what the real reason is!". However, I think I've cracked the case. Chuck posted this update at 5:04am, and I'm pretty sure there was a woman lying in his bed when he updated. I can picture it in my head: Chuck put the tip in, just barely, then the girl moaned a little, and Chuck got a huge grin on his face. Then he realized that if he told everyone on facebook that he was smiling then all his friends would ask him why he was smiling and he would be able to brag about losing his virginity. So he ran out of bed and into the den, wearing only toe socks and a lambskin condom, and updated his facebook status. He felt excited after the update and thought to himself, "The world shall know the truth!" Meanwhile, his late night lover quietly slipped out the front door and left a note on the coffee table that said, "Sorry Chuck, I don't wanna fuck."
Chuck Update - 10/13/08 - 10:51pm
Chuck is surging ahead in his studies!
Chuck Update - 10/14/08 - 5:08pm
Chuck just voted for Obama! OBAMA BIDEN 08!
Chuck Update - 10/16/08 - 1:28am
Chuck is going to be up all night doing homework, so i can go home for the weekend and fall incredibly far behind.
1 Comment from Chuck's friends at 1:48am
me too :'(
Chuck's response at 1:50am
im skipping larc and torts like its 4th grade and you can just do that without dropping out of the top ten percent
My thoughts
Another brilliant phrase straight out of the "Dictionary of Chuck." Most of us understand the generally accepted meaning of staying up all night and doing homework. However, in the language of Chuck, staying up all night and doing homework clearly means to bring up facebook on his web browser and repeatedly hit "refresh" until someone comments on his most recent post. Notice that Chuck responded to his friend's comment TWO minutes after it was posted. TWO! Not to mention that he compared skipping two law school classes to skipping class in 4th grade. Did anyone skip class in 4th grade? Maybe a few ultra-rebels, but I assure you that Chuck was not one of them. Chuck was the kid in 4th grade art class who cried when his clay pot didn't come out looking perfect, not the kid who smoked Marlboro Reds on the playground. Regardless, Chuck is super cool for skipping class and has my vote for "Badass Law Student of the Year Who Skips Class All the Time and Doesn't Even Give a Fuck."
Chuck Update - 10/16/08 - 4:51pm
Chuck is literally a train wreck. after stressing out about skipping class and then staying up all night to finish my homework assignment... my train left early...
2 Comments from Chuck's Friends
Comment 1 - Well that sucks. How is Law School going? Its gotta be tough, but if you can handle being a manager, you can do anything. Ha
Comment 2 - it's impossible for you to 'literally' be a train wreck. you would have to be a train...
My thoughts
Stressing out about skipping class? I thought you were skipping class "like it's 4th grade" Chuck? Guess not. Clearly commenter number 1 has bought into Chuck's "law school is so hard - please feel sorry for me" schtick. Personally I'd rather get paid to go to law school then get paid to be a manager at Burger King. As for commenter number 2, WOW......
NOTE to all students of the Chuck Academy of Comedic Arts and Online Commenting: the Academy does NOT make you a funny person, it makes people want to stab you. Please give Clown College a try.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The BEGINNING of Law School
The first couple weeks of Chuck's law school career were filled with updates that capture the essence of Chuck; his skewed sense of reality, his self pity, and his establishment that what he is doing is tough and important. Here they are...
Chuck Update - 8/19/08 - 11:10am
Chuck is starting law school tomorrow!
Chuck Update - 8/20/08 - 2:09am
Chuck is a lawyer! sort of.
My thoughts
Chuck is REALLY jumping the gun here. However, what's really shocking about this update is that it was posted at 2:09am. I suppose that Chuck's anxiety about law school was preventing him from sleeping so he decided to get out of bed, at 2:09am, and show everyone on facebook that he was both a lawyer and a comedian. SORT OF! Haha, I get it Chuck, you're not actually a lawyer yet.
Chuck Update - 8/20/08 - 9:20am
Chuck is LAW SCHOOL BABY!
My thoughts
I, along with all of Chuck's friends, was so relieved when I read this update. WHEW! 7 hours and 11 minutes before this update, when Chuck said he was a lawyer, I was so confused as to what he meant! Now that I know that "Chuck is Law School Baby" the world makes sense again. Thanks Chuck, you're always there for me.
Chuck Update - 8/22/08 - 7:08pm
Chuck is trying to develop good habits early. its hard.
Chuck Update - 8/23/08 - 5:49pm
Chuck is reading contracts. im on page 6. ive been at it all day.
My thoughts
This is a CLASSIC first year law student post. It transcends Chuck (yes, it's possible). This update is clearly meant to garner sympathy from Chuck's friends because of how EXCRUCIATING it is to read law school textbooks when you're first starting out. The subtext to this update you ask? Well it's clearly Chuck's devotion......."I will read until I'm done, even if it takes all day! Do you see my devotion? You see it RIGHT!?!"
Chuck Update - 8/23/08 - 10:00pm
Chuck my power went out and i dropped my phone, apparantly sending texts i did not write to everyone in my phonebook... if that was you disregard.
My thoughts
You could almost say that this update is off topic, but I find it quite curious anyway. First off, the power going out made Chuck drop his phone? Questionable. I've been in a lot of rooms with a lot of people when the power has gone out and I've never seen anyone lose motor function because of it. Then, apparently, while the phone was laying on the ground, it managed to start a new text message, include everyone in Chuck's phonebook, and then type out some sort of message? I'm not buying it. Did Chuck use his phone to mop the floor once he dropped it? NO. Here's what really happened. Chuck was pissed off about how slow his Contracts reading assignment was going earlier in the day, so he closed his book and sat down with a nice bottle of White Zinfandel. 5 glasses later Chuck drunk texted a girl that he had just met at law school that day and said, "Hey Mona, it's Chuck from law school baby! Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I'm going to be a lawyer someday and that I'm in love with you." When he realized that he might have gone too far with that text, he posted this update to slyly cover his ass. Too bad I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU CHUCK.
Chuck Update - 8/24/08 - 1:13pm
Chuck is studying, because thats what law students do.
My thoughts
This one is too painful to think about it. Get over yourself Chuck.
Chuck Update - 8/25/08 - 5:25pm
Chuck was watching the peoples court, and the judge quoted the UCC implied warranty of merchantability. go law school!
My thoughts
Chuck should have had me write this post for him, it would have said, "HEY! HEY! HEY! All my friends that aren't in law school listen up! You guys don't know what the UCC Implied Warranty of Merchantability is do you? Well I do! I'm in law school remember?!?"
Chuck Update - 8/28/08 - 8:01pm
Chuck needs this weekend to hurry up.
Chuck Update - 8/30/08 - 4:33pm
Chuck SURVIVED WEEK ONE OF LAW SCHOOL.
My thoughts
No way! I lost a huge bet on this one. I thought there was no way Chuck would make it through the first week. The first week is always so intense, you're not sure who to sit next to in class, sometimes you can't find the right classroom, and you definitely don't want to get called on and make a bad first impression in front of your classmates......it's a NIGHTMARE! Other hurdles include the fact that you are a mere speck in a sea of 200 students, on the first day of class your professors go over their syllabi, and you also don't have any tests, quizzes, or assignments due. Obviously only the best and brightest people (and well trained apes) could ever survive it. Studies have shown that 90% of people that drop out of law school do so in their first week. However, scholars tend to disagree about what is harder, the first week of law school, or Navy Seals BUDs training. Regardless, we're proud of you Chuck: you're a brave, intelligent, amazing mother fucker.
On a sidenote, the Saved by the Bell episode where the gang decides to sell friendship bracelets was on today, and the Blurb about the show read:
"Friendship loses when friends compete against friends to sell tokens of friendship."
Chuck Update - 8/19/08 - 11:10am
Chuck is starting law school tomorrow!
Chuck Update - 8/20/08 - 2:09am
Chuck is a lawyer! sort of.
My thoughts
Chuck is REALLY jumping the gun here. However, what's really shocking about this update is that it was posted at 2:09am. I suppose that Chuck's anxiety about law school was preventing him from sleeping so he decided to get out of bed, at 2:09am, and show everyone on facebook that he was both a lawyer and a comedian. SORT OF! Haha, I get it Chuck, you're not actually a lawyer yet.
Chuck Update - 8/20/08 - 9:20am
Chuck is LAW SCHOOL BABY!
My thoughts
I, along with all of Chuck's friends, was so relieved when I read this update. WHEW! 7 hours and 11 minutes before this update, when Chuck said he was a lawyer, I was so confused as to what he meant! Now that I know that "Chuck is Law School Baby" the world makes sense again. Thanks Chuck, you're always there for me.
Chuck Update - 8/22/08 - 7:08pm
Chuck is trying to develop good habits early. its hard.
Chuck Update - 8/23/08 - 5:49pm
Chuck is reading contracts. im on page 6. ive been at it all day.
My thoughts
This is a CLASSIC first year law student post. It transcends Chuck (yes, it's possible). This update is clearly meant to garner sympathy from Chuck's friends because of how EXCRUCIATING it is to read law school textbooks when you're first starting out. The subtext to this update you ask? Well it's clearly Chuck's devotion......."I will read until I'm done, even if it takes all day! Do you see my devotion? You see it RIGHT!?!"
Chuck Update - 8/23/08 - 10:00pm
Chuck my power went out and i dropped my phone, apparantly sending texts i did not write to everyone in my phonebook... if that was you disregard.
My thoughts
You could almost say that this update is off topic, but I find it quite curious anyway. First off, the power going out made Chuck drop his phone? Questionable. I've been in a lot of rooms with a lot of people when the power has gone out and I've never seen anyone lose motor function because of it. Then, apparently, while the phone was laying on the ground, it managed to start a new text message, include everyone in Chuck's phonebook, and then type out some sort of message? I'm not buying it. Did Chuck use his phone to mop the floor once he dropped it? NO. Here's what really happened. Chuck was pissed off about how slow his Contracts reading assignment was going earlier in the day, so he closed his book and sat down with a nice bottle of White Zinfandel. 5 glasses later Chuck drunk texted a girl that he had just met at law school that day and said, "Hey Mona, it's Chuck from law school baby! Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I'm going to be a lawyer someday and that I'm in love with you." When he realized that he might have gone too far with that text, he posted this update to slyly cover his ass. Too bad I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU CHUCK.
Chuck Update - 8/24/08 - 1:13pm
Chuck is studying, because thats what law students do.
My thoughts
This one is too painful to think about it. Get over yourself Chuck.
Chuck Update - 8/25/08 - 5:25pm
Chuck was watching the peoples court, and the judge quoted the UCC implied warranty of merchantability. go law school!
My thoughts
Chuck should have had me write this post for him, it would have said, "HEY! HEY! HEY! All my friends that aren't in law school listen up! You guys don't know what the UCC Implied Warranty of Merchantability is do you? Well I do! I'm in law school remember?!?"
Chuck Update - 8/28/08 - 8:01pm
Chuck needs this weekend to hurry up.
Chuck Update - 8/30/08 - 4:33pm
Chuck SURVIVED WEEK ONE OF LAW SCHOOL.
My thoughts
No way! I lost a huge bet on this one. I thought there was no way Chuck would make it through the first week. The first week is always so intense, you're not sure who to sit next to in class, sometimes you can't find the right classroom, and you definitely don't want to get called on and make a bad first impression in front of your classmates......it's a NIGHTMARE! Other hurdles include the fact that you are a mere speck in a sea of 200 students, on the first day of class your professors go over their syllabi, and you also don't have any tests, quizzes, or assignments due. Obviously only the best and brightest people (and well trained apes) could ever survive it. Studies have shown that 90% of people that drop out of law school do so in their first week. However, scholars tend to disagree about what is harder, the first week of law school, or Navy Seals BUDs training. Regardless, we're proud of you Chuck: you're a brave, intelligent, amazing mother fucker.
On a sidenote, the Saved by the Bell episode where the gang decides to sell friendship bracelets was on today, and the Blurb about the show read:
"Friendship loses when friends compete against friends to sell tokens of friendship."
Sunday, January 11, 2009
LOTS of Chuck feeling bad for himself
Here's Chuck at his best, unabashedly trying to garner sympathy...
Note: Chuck wore a superman onesy for Halloween, complete with fake muscles.
Chuck Update - 11/01/08 - 2:10pm
Chuck has the coolest kids in his law school class. seriously. amazing kids.
Chuck Update - 11/04/08 - 10:44am
Chuck is we are the change we've been waiting for OBAMA BIDEN.
Chuck Update - 11/04/08 - 9:44pm
Chuck is so happy and so ready for the next eight years!!
Chuck Update - 11/06/08 - 6:44pm
Chuck is sexy and mysterious coffee shop boy.
My thoughts:
If I had to think of a creative way to describe Chuck, "sexy and mysterious coffee shop boy" would be at the bottom of my list. Chuck is the guy at the coffee shop who has a crush on the waitress because of her "unique" bohemian style, which is complimented by her tattoos and a lip ring. If Chuck would let me write his updates, like he should, I would have said, "Chuck is looking down at the table while talking to his predictably coifed coffee shop waitress, but thinks she's digging his lonely and insecure vibe. I'm tipping 50%!"
Chuck Update - 11/06/08 - 1:06pm
Chuck is so glad to be done with larc and is ready to stay in all weekend cooking, drinking wine, and studying.
3 Comment from Chuck's Friends
Comment 1: sounds pretty exciting =P where are you holed up there in town?
Comment 2: sounds like my weekend
Comment 3: if you are going to cook can you please send some meals my way so that i don't have to resort to cheesecake take out
My thoughts:
Three comments = orgasm for Chuck! I can't believe how all of Chuck's law school friends are sucked into his First-year-is-sooooo-hard bullshit. I'm assuming that comment 3 is referring to the cheesecake factory, but even if it's not, it's amazing how bad this commenter tries to make "cheesecake take out" sound. OH NO! Not cheesecake take out! Being able to constantly consume delicious take out is such a curse! No worries my commenting friend, I will send you a crate of Ramen in the mail.
Chuck Update - 11/09/08 - 12:52pm
Chuck really would love to take a day to sit and watch tv and eat salsa without feeling like a horrible waste of life. law school sucks.
Chuck Update - 11/10/08 - 4:03pm
Chuck what hurts the most.
Chuck Update - 11/12/08 - 12:13am
Chuck wakes up for school, reads for class the next day, comes home, makes dinner, studies for finals, then goes to bed...
2 Comments from Chuck's friends:
Comment 1: hmmmm sounds like my day but before school i have work :( hope ur doing well my friend.... we'll be celebrating soon .. can't wait :)
Comment 2: i wish you could just walk over to our apt...miss you chuckie poo
My thoughts:
I love how comment 1 puts Chuck in his place, but is also passive-aggressive. If you read between the lines, this update says, "Chuck has no job and no responsbilities and his life is sooooooo hard, he can't believe that he has to study for law school. STUDY! It's not fair. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this." NEWSFLASH Chuck: your life is easy and nobody feels sorry for you. Make your weekly, sobbing phone call to your mom and maybe she will send you some cookies.
Note: Chuck wore a superman onesy for Halloween, complete with fake muscles.
Chuck Update - 11/01/08 - 2:10pm
Chuck has the coolest kids in his law school class. seriously. amazing kids.
Chuck Update - 11/04/08 - 10:44am
Chuck is we are the change we've been waiting for OBAMA BIDEN.
Chuck Update - 11/04/08 - 9:44pm
Chuck is so happy and so ready for the next eight years!!
Chuck Update - 11/06/08 - 6:44pm
Chuck is sexy and mysterious coffee shop boy.
My thoughts:
If I had to think of a creative way to describe Chuck, "sexy and mysterious coffee shop boy" would be at the bottom of my list. Chuck is the guy at the coffee shop who has a crush on the waitress because of her "unique" bohemian style, which is complimented by her tattoos and a lip ring. If Chuck would let me write his updates, like he should, I would have said, "Chuck is looking down at the table while talking to his predictably coifed coffee shop waitress, but thinks she's digging his lonely and insecure vibe. I'm tipping 50%!"
Chuck Update - 11/06/08 - 1:06pm
Chuck is so glad to be done with larc and is ready to stay in all weekend cooking, drinking wine, and studying.
3 Comment from Chuck's Friends
Comment 1: sounds pretty exciting =P where are you holed up there in town?
Comment 2: sounds like my weekend
Comment 3: if you are going to cook can you please send some meals my way so that i don't have to resort to cheesecake take out
My thoughts:
Three comments = orgasm for Chuck! I can't believe how all of Chuck's law school friends are sucked into his First-year-is-sooooo-hard bullshit. I'm assuming that comment 3 is referring to the cheesecake factory, but even if it's not, it's amazing how bad this commenter tries to make "cheesecake take out" sound. OH NO! Not cheesecake take out! Being able to constantly consume delicious take out is such a curse! No worries my commenting friend, I will send you a crate of Ramen in the mail.
Chuck Update - 11/09/08 - 12:52pm
Chuck really would love to take a day to sit and watch tv and eat salsa without feeling like a horrible waste of life. law school sucks.
Chuck Update - 11/10/08 - 4:03pm
Chuck what hurts the most.
Chuck Update - 11/12/08 - 12:13am
Chuck wakes up for school, reads for class the next day, comes home, makes dinner, studies for finals, then goes to bed...
2 Comments from Chuck's friends:
Comment 1: hmmmm sounds like my day but before school i have work :( hope ur doing well my friend.... we'll be celebrating soon .. can't wait :)
Comment 2: i wish you could just walk over to our apt...miss you chuckie poo
My thoughts:
I love how comment 1 puts Chuck in his place, but is also passive-aggressive. If you read between the lines, this update says, "Chuck has no job and no responsbilities and his life is sooooooo hard, he can't believe that he has to study for law school. STUDY! It's not fair. He doesn't deserve to be treated like this." NEWSFLASH Chuck: your life is easy and nobody feels sorry for you. Make your weekly, sobbing phone call to your mom and maybe she will send you some cookies.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
FAKE CHUCK POSTS
So my roommate developed a list of Fake Chuck Updates for this upcoming semester and I thought they were pretty good, so here they are, unedited:
"Chuck is anxiously awaiting his grades to come in"
"Chuck seriously can't sit still thinking about his torts grade"
"Chuck got hammered last night!!! Oh well, exams are 4 months away!!!"
"Chuck is We're gonna party like it's 2009!"
"Chuck is Happy new years everyone!"
"Chuck can't believe his grades have not been posted yet!"
"Chuck is really how long does it take to grade an exam!"
"Chuck is Finally!!!! Ok, passed torts!!! now we just have to see about the others"
"Chuck is Wish me Luck, I'm off to a job interview!"
"Chuck is Oh Yeah, I passed with flying colors! Phew!"
"Chuck Cannot wait for the innaguration! Seriously, How exciting is this gonna be?!"
"Chuck thinks Obama looked very Presidential"
"Chuck is It's pretty awesome to have a former Con Law professor be the one upholding our Constitution"
"Chuck is, why is it so cold. Oh well more drinks to keep me warm"
"Chuck is Spring break is too far away!"
"Chuck is anxiously awaiting his grades to come in"
"Chuck seriously can't sit still thinking about his torts grade"
"Chuck got hammered last night!!! Oh well, exams are 4 months away!!!"
"Chuck is We're gonna party like it's 2009!"
"Chuck is Happy new years everyone!"
"Chuck can't believe his grades have not been posted yet!"
"Chuck is really how long does it take to grade an exam!"
"Chuck is Finally!!!! Ok, passed torts!!! now we just have to see about the others"
"Chuck is Wish me Luck, I'm off to a job interview!"
"Chuck is Oh Yeah, I passed with flying colors! Phew!"
"Chuck Cannot wait for the innaguration! Seriously, How exciting is this gonna be?!"
"Chuck thinks Obama looked very Presidential"
"Chuck is It's pretty awesome to have a former Con Law professor be the one upholding our Constitution"
"Chuck is, why is it so cold. Oh well more drinks to keep me warm"
"Chuck is Spring break is too far away!"
New/Old Chuck Posts
It's 430 in the morning and a little too late for me to think, but I just came across some old Chuck gems and I have to post, here we go...........
Chuck Update - 10/29/08 - 7:24pm
Chuck : law students this friday are analagous to a complete shitshow as to the issue of it being halloween and being finally done with this huge memorandum.
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends
Ha.
My thoughts:
Chuck Chuck Chuck. That is the worst sentence I've ever read. First off, you can't fucking analogize ANYTHING to being a shitshow. Something is a shitshow (Chuck), or isn't a shitshow (Oreos), things are never "like" a shitshow because shitshow has no meaning. The only thing worse than this Chuck Update is the comment from his friend. That patronizing son of a bitch. I'll bet a million dollars that Chuck thought his friend really found his update humorous.
Chuck Update - 10/30/08 - 8:38pm
Chuck is larc'd out after this week
My thoughts:
We've seen this one before! "Larc'd" is clearly short for larceny. Nevertheless, Chuck's creative use of the English language will not be very useful when he becomes a court reporter after law school.
Chuck Update - 10/30/08 - 8:52pm
Chuck needs to do something to remind myself i'm a human.
My thoughts:
Dear Chuck, updating your facebook status every 14 minutes will NEVER MAKE YOU FEEL HUMAN.
Chuck Update - 10/29/08 - 7:24pm
Chuck : law students this friday are analagous to a complete shitshow as to the issue of it being halloween and being finally done with this huge memorandum.
1 Comment from Chuck's Friends
Ha.
My thoughts:
Chuck Chuck Chuck. That is the worst sentence I've ever read. First off, you can't fucking analogize ANYTHING to being a shitshow. Something is a shitshow (Chuck), or isn't a shitshow (Oreos), things are never "like" a shitshow because shitshow has no meaning. The only thing worse than this Chuck Update is the comment from his friend. That patronizing son of a bitch. I'll bet a million dollars that Chuck thought his friend really found his update humorous.
Chuck Update - 10/30/08 - 8:38pm
Chuck is larc'd out after this week
My thoughts:
We've seen this one before! "Larc'd" is clearly short for larceny. Nevertheless, Chuck's creative use of the English language will not be very useful when he becomes a court reporter after law school.
Chuck Update - 10/30/08 - 8:52pm
Chuck needs to do something to remind myself i'm a human.
My thoughts:
Dear Chuck, updating your facebook status every 14 minutes will NEVER MAKE YOU FEEL HUMAN.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Old Chuck Updates
Here are a bunch of old updates.....some of them include the types of comments from his friends that Chuck is clearly attempting to provoke.....some of the comments i've left out because they are TOO annoying.....
Chuck Update - 12/06/08 - 1:58pm
Chuck is if i fail out law school i'm going to get a job in the library so i can still hang out here.
1 Comment from Chuck's friends
I thought one of the benefits of failing out of law school was not having to set foot in the library again...
Chuck Update - 12/07/08 - 12:39am
Chuck is takig a bath and reading contracts. this is how i relax.
My thoughts:
Note how much Chuck plays up the sympathy schtick. His life is so terrible that the only way he can relax is to read for law school. Get over yourself Chuck. Try masterbation.
Chuck Update - 12/07/08 - 5:29pm
Chuck is enjoying some non stop hot library action.
Chuck Update - 12/08/08 - 7:34pm
Chuck is ready to take on civpro tomorrow. god help us all.
Chuck Update - 12/09/08 - 4:24pm
Chuck is one down, two to go. you're mine contracts
Chuck Update - 12/11/08 - 3:26pm
Chuck is contracting like crazy
My thoughts:
This is VINTAGE Chuck. Notice the creativity and double meaning of "contracting". A person can contract to do something, but a law student can also study for contracts by "contracting". How had no one else thought of that before Chuck?
Chuck Update - 12/12/08 - 4:14pm
Chuck is torting a bit then REALLY considering a night on the town
My thoughts:
TORTING! Chuck strikes again, the English language quivers.....
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 12:13pm
Chuck is back at the library torting. tuesday can not come fast enough. book your drinking time now.
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 2:27pm
Chuck is wandering through the chicago streets at night.
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 9:16pm
Chuck is making a vodka pasta sauce with chicken sausage. im so cool.
2 comments from Chuck's friends
Comment 1: yes you are. cool, and likely to have a major coronary by the age of 30.
Comment 2: do u deliver? jessie & i are starving...:)- we're at the usually 24/7 we will include a really good tip!
My thoughts:
I can't decide what is worse, the updates or the comments. Chuck must have been grinning ear to ear when he saw those 2 comments. Meanwhile I was looking for a knife and a cheap plane ticket so I could do some "Torting" at Chuck's apartment.
Chuck Update - 12/15/08 - 11:24am
Chuck is studying for the LAST DAY! last final tomorrow, and then drunken debauchery shall ensue
Chuck Update - 12/15/08 - 5:52pm
Chuck is ready. tomorrow will be chaos. call me and join the party.
Chuck Update - 12/16/08 - 12:53am
Chuck one last final, then a drunken trolleyride through downtown chicago with some really attractive people. join the party! call/txt
Chuck Update - 12/17/08 - 2:37am
Chuck is day two of no school. day two of random drunkeness.
My thoughts:
Yes Chuck, random drunkenness. You are so drunk and so random that instead of meeting some strangers, getting high on their roof, and throwing a turkey carcas off of it, you are updating your facebook status at 2:37 am. So random.
Chuck Update - 12/18/08 - 5:25pm
Chuck is busting out the crock pot, jamming to some tunes, and being extremely unproductive.
My thoughts:
If you know any law students then you know that the first thing they do after exams is to constantly brag about being unproductive. In some sort of twisted law student way, this is supposed to sound both funny and awesome. Chuck is being unproductive? Me too, ME TOO!
Chuck Update - 12/19/08 - 1:04pm
Chuck might not put on pants for the entire day.
Chuck Update - 12/22/08 - 1:54am
Chuck is now aware that tap dancing does not distract police officers.
1 comment from Chuck's friends
uh oh... as it would turn out, there are certain things even a good charleston cannot fix
1 response to Chuck's friends from Chuck
bribery also isnt a good solution
My thoughts:
I can't imagine the thousands of people that were yearning to hear what actually happened to Chuck after he left this amazing cliffhanger. I wanted to know so bad that I shutdown my computer and went to bed.......
Chuck Update - 12/23/08 - 2:09am
Chuck really meant he was taking a freezing cold 9 hour train ride... i need to find an alternate route home.
1 comment from Chuck's friends
You had an adventure! Hot bitches on the train, riots at the station ... Still prefer the south where people are shuddering at 45 degree weather. I just stole my dad's cardigan
1 response to Chuck's friends from Chuck
plus i got to look really sexy while i cried reading that book. which i finished during one of our random hour long stops with no explanation
Chuck Update - 12/24/08 - 10:35am
Chuck is merry christmas, baby.
Chuck Update - 12/27/08 - 1:34pm
Chuck is so amazingly happy to be back home!
Chuck Update - 12/28/08 - 2:36pm
Chuck is watching the lions become the worst team in NFL history! i blame the recession and bush.
Chuck Update - 12/28/08 - 7:53pm
Chuck is cooking, watching the sound of music, and packing for fla tomorrow!
Chuck Update - 12/29/08 - 7:45am
Chuck is in sunny florida for new years!
Chuck Update - 01/02/09 - 2:42pm
Chuck is the goddam Governor's son. He doesnt want me to be a tapdancer. He wants me to go to Oxford. But it's in my goddam blood, tapdancing .
Chuck Update - 01/03/09 - 6:32pm
Chuck is making cherry and apple stuffed pork chops with a zucchini tomato salad. seriously, i might be the coolest person alive.
Chuck Update - 01/04/09 - 3:44pm
Chuck is california dreaming on such a winters day.
Chuck Update - 12/06/08 - 1:58pm
Chuck is if i fail out law school i'm going to get a job in the library so i can still hang out here.
1 Comment from Chuck's friends
I thought one of the benefits of failing out of law school was not having to set foot in the library again...
Chuck Update - 12/07/08 - 12:39am
Chuck is takig a bath and reading contracts. this is how i relax.
My thoughts:
Note how much Chuck plays up the sympathy schtick. His life is so terrible that the only way he can relax is to read for law school. Get over yourself Chuck. Try masterbation.
Chuck Update - 12/07/08 - 5:29pm
Chuck is enjoying some non stop hot library action.
Chuck Update - 12/08/08 - 7:34pm
Chuck is ready to take on civpro tomorrow. god help us all.
Chuck Update - 12/09/08 - 4:24pm
Chuck is one down, two to go. you're mine contracts
Chuck Update - 12/11/08 - 3:26pm
Chuck is contracting like crazy
My thoughts:
This is VINTAGE Chuck. Notice the creativity and double meaning of "contracting". A person can contract to do something, but a law student can also study for contracts by "contracting". How had no one else thought of that before Chuck?
Chuck Update - 12/12/08 - 4:14pm
Chuck is torting a bit then REALLY considering a night on the town
My thoughts:
TORTING! Chuck strikes again, the English language quivers.....
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 12:13pm
Chuck is back at the library torting. tuesday can not come fast enough. book your drinking time now.
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 2:27pm
Chuck is wandering through the chicago streets at night.
Chuck Update - 12/14/08 - 9:16pm
Chuck is making a vodka pasta sauce with chicken sausage. im so cool.
2 comments from Chuck's friends
Comment 1: yes you are. cool, and likely to have a major coronary by the age of 30.
Comment 2: do u deliver? jessie & i are starving...:)- we're at the usually 24/7 we will include a really good tip!
My thoughts:
I can't decide what is worse, the updates or the comments. Chuck must have been grinning ear to ear when he saw those 2 comments. Meanwhile I was looking for a knife and a cheap plane ticket so I could do some "Torting" at Chuck's apartment.
Chuck Update - 12/15/08 - 11:24am
Chuck is studying for the LAST DAY! last final tomorrow, and then drunken debauchery shall ensue
Chuck Update - 12/15/08 - 5:52pm
Chuck is ready. tomorrow will be chaos. call me and join the party.
Chuck Update - 12/16/08 - 12:53am
Chuck one last final, then a drunken trolleyride through downtown chicago with some really attractive people. join the party! call/txt
Chuck Update - 12/17/08 - 2:37am
Chuck is day two of no school. day two of random drunkeness.
My thoughts:
Yes Chuck, random drunkenness. You are so drunk and so random that instead of meeting some strangers, getting high on their roof, and throwing a turkey carcas off of it, you are updating your facebook status at 2:37 am. So random.
Chuck Update - 12/18/08 - 5:25pm
Chuck is busting out the crock pot, jamming to some tunes, and being extremely unproductive.
My thoughts:
If you know any law students then you know that the first thing they do after exams is to constantly brag about being unproductive. In some sort of twisted law student way, this is supposed to sound both funny and awesome. Chuck is being unproductive? Me too, ME TOO!
Chuck Update - 12/19/08 - 1:04pm
Chuck might not put on pants for the entire day.
Chuck Update - 12/22/08 - 1:54am
Chuck is now aware that tap dancing does not distract police officers.
1 comment from Chuck's friends
uh oh... as it would turn out, there are certain things even a good charleston cannot fix
1 response to Chuck's friends from Chuck
bribery also isnt a good solution
My thoughts:
I can't imagine the thousands of people that were yearning to hear what actually happened to Chuck after he left this amazing cliffhanger. I wanted to know so bad that I shutdown my computer and went to bed.......
Chuck Update - 12/23/08 - 2:09am
Chuck really meant he was taking a freezing cold 9 hour train ride... i need to find an alternate route home.
1 comment from Chuck's friends
You had an adventure! Hot bitches on the train, riots at the station ... Still prefer the south where people are shuddering at 45 degree weather. I just stole my dad's cardigan
1 response to Chuck's friends from Chuck
plus i got to look really sexy while i cried reading that book. which i finished during one of our random hour long stops with no explanation
Chuck Update - 12/24/08 - 10:35am
Chuck is merry christmas, baby.
Chuck Update - 12/27/08 - 1:34pm
Chuck is so amazingly happy to be back home!
Chuck Update - 12/28/08 - 2:36pm
Chuck is watching the lions become the worst team in NFL history! i blame the recession and bush.
Chuck Update - 12/28/08 - 7:53pm
Chuck is cooking, watching the sound of music, and packing for fla tomorrow!
Chuck Update - 12/29/08 - 7:45am
Chuck is in sunny florida for new years!
Chuck Update - 01/02/09 - 2:42pm
Chuck is the goddam Governor's son. He doesnt want me to be a tapdancer. He wants me to go to Oxford. But it's in my goddam blood, tapdancing .
Chuck Update - 01/03/09 - 6:32pm
Chuck is making cherry and apple stuffed pork chops with a zucchini tomato salad. seriously, i might be the coolest person alive.
Chuck Update - 01/04/09 - 3:44pm
Chuck is california dreaming on such a winters day.
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