Chuck Update - 4/08/09 - 4:09pm
me and chirag are dropping out of law school to become pirates. who wants to join our scurvey crew?
My Thoughts
My gut reaction to this was first to cringe, and then to puke, and now my bowl of Smacks is ruined. Is it possible that Chuck thought this would get a laugh? IS IT??? Was there some other motivation behind posting this? I need your help Chuck readers, why would Chuck say this? Is he commenting on the U.S. crew that was recently taken hostage by Somali pirates? Do they post news stories like that on perezhilton.com?
Chuck Update - 4/09/09 - 12:03am
will be up all night jamming to tunes and drinking coffee, and dammit tomorrow my dishes will be done, my apt will be clean, and my outline will be done!
My Thoughts
God. When you break it down this actually sounds like a HORRIBLE night, but somehow Chuck makes it sound SOOOOO good! 1. Jamming to tunes is always good right? 2. I love coffee, so do most people! 3. It's always refreshing to have a clean apartment right?
YET, he posted this at 1203 am. I have drank coffee at 1203 am before, it's a horrible idea unless you're picking someone up from the airport at 500am and you just don't want to sleep beforehand. And jamming to tunes, cleaning, and outlining while he's drinking it? Is this going to be like a fucking montage from Mrs. Doubtfire where he is dancing around while he's vacuuming and making the kids do their homework with Aerosmith blasting in the background? I REALLY hope that Chuck posts a video of what happened on this night! Still, somehow I get the feeling that Chuck is NOT aware that the people around him know that his life does not play out just like a really great movie.
So Chuck, stop with the goddamn exclamation marks. "Jamming to tunes" while cleaning and doing homework SUCKS. And who wants to drink coffee after midnight? NOBODY. It's a terrible idea. Oh and I love how you said "Dammit...." those things will be done, like they are so pressing that they require a coffee-filled all-nighter. How is that dishwasher treating you Chuck? Remember that you will need 1 cup of coffee for every 1 minute of unloading, or otherwise you will just run out of energy! Oh and don't forget that the Beauty and the Beast sippy cups go on the shelf above the Barack Obama commemorative plates!
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here's why chuck posted that shit about the pirates: it wasn't meant to be funny. it was meant to to show two things. 1) that he is all up to date on current events even though he is burried in law school work!!!!! 2)Chuck's M.O. is to try to make it seem like he is part of a group...especially a group that is doing crazy shit!!!! So first of all he is indicating that he has a friend (chirag) which means that he actually talks to people, and second that he is some sort of leader of this potential group, a group that would do something nuts like become a pirate! I mean can you even imagine! I can't. That's why I love chuck...he expands my mind. I mean who would have thought to use scurvey as the name of his 'crew'? Answer: Chuck. Most people would have made some stupid Goonies joke or a Johnny Depp reference. Not Chuck. Nope, originiality until the end! Argghhh Chuck. Fucking Arggghhhhhhh!
ReplyDeleteI think we need to delve into this situation a little further. I think there may have been a timing issue. This update almost certainly had to have been posted before the Maersk Alabama incident. Because fucking Chuck dick-slap boy is certainly a flag-waving patriot. I bet his update today is congratulating and thanking the ship's captain and members of the armed services who returned him home.
ReplyDeleteChuck was actually really worried when the story broke. He shit his pants because he had made this post 3 weeks before the incident, and now he's worried that there will be consequences. He will fail the character and fitness background check and he will never be admitted to the bar. Which sounds tragic, except that's a winner for Chuck because it will give him a fantastic story to tell for the rest of his life.
Oh Chuck you little fucking girl. You have tiny peanut testicles and a little miniture-golf pencil dick. You can't sustain an erection, not that you will ever need one. Sometimes you stick a finger up your own ass while you bake lasanga. You were hoping no one would ever know, but I can see it in your eyes chuck. You have erotic thoughts about Matha Stewart and how she could make you into a woman.
Oh chuck. You missed something important in class while you were typing a loveletter to the pope.
WHERE ARE YOU?!!?!? i'm gonna need you to continue blogging. like...now.
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