Chuck in ONE sentence

Chuck Update - 12/18/08 - 3:22am
Chuck is awkwardly positioning himself between two goregous drunk women.

Comment 1 at 11:40am
what else is new?

Comment 2 at 5:12pm
y is that awkward?

My Thoughts
3:22am. POSITIONING. Chuck is performing the act of positioning while he is updating?.......WHAT! If Chuck had updated his status 1 minute later, at 3:23am, it would have said, "Two gorgeous women are glaring at me from across the room, and my shirt is covered in Jack and Coke."

Imagine it. So there Chuck is, hanging out at a hip after-hours spot with some of his friends after a long night of drinking. He spots two good looking ladies across the room and, after some prodding from his friends, decides to go talk to them. He leads with his "I'm a lawyer" line which causes both girls to flip their hair and perk up their chests, an immediate sign that the two ladies are into both him and money, but probably more the money. One girl says, "My friend and I love to have a good time, TOGETHER." At this juncture any normal guy would try to remain calm and think of the best way to get the party moving. Not Chuck. Chuck's mind was saying, "mustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebookmustupdatefacebook", and suddenly, before he even knew what was happening, he was on his phone punching out a facebook update like a mad symphony composer and the women were gone.

Chuck is not smiling.

Chuck's decision in this situation was simultaneously the worst idea ever AND the most blatant abuse of a person's facebook updating powers that I have ever seen. I have an idea Chuck, make it less awkward by not using your phone to update your FACEBOOK status while you regale your new lady friends with stories of poorly written contracts and that professor who "totally looks like Chuck Norris!" Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic to Chuck's plight, and one possible explanation is that Chuck did not actually make the decision to update his facebook status. No no, I believe that Chuck may have been experiencing what I would call a "Facebook Blackout." It's a lot like sleepwalking, but the person can only consciously think about facebook and nothing else. Symptoms may include facebook obsession, experiencing moments of forgetfulness, and being Chuck.

An alternate theory is that Chuck merely wanted his readers to believe that he was talking to anonymous women that he had just met......and to think that he had somehow suavely introduced himself to them. Of course Chuck had to throw in the word "awkwardly" because Chuck is all about being likably awkward (Re: original). Well guess what Chuck, you are not living in a movie and the awkward guy never gets the gorgeous girl. My guess is that the women were actually his friends, and that they were not attractive at all. They were probably sitting in Chuck's living room watching youtube videos and Chuck knew that they would read his facebook update later on and that he would score brownie points for calling them "gorgeous." Brilliant plan Chuck, here's a slogan you can use for that technique, "Calling girls gorgeous on facebook but not flirting with them in person: Keeping men single since 2004!"

I love you Chuck.