These updates came directly after the updates from my last post.....you know, the ones where Chuck was going into non-stop study mode/hibernation mode....................
Chuck Update - 11/25/08 - 7:51pm
Chuck is ready for the pre thanksgiving bar crawl of the century!
My Thoughts
Ahhhh yes, the pre thanksgiving bar crawl, what a magnificent and time-honored event. I see that you're going for the best one of the century - huh Chuck? Ballsy. Ballsy. It's gonna be hard to top the great pre thanksgiving bar crawl of 78', but I'm sure you've got your dancing shoes on. As we all know, this popular ritual is often marked by the type of craziness one might see at Mardi Gras , or at Chuck's favorite hangout, Borics Hair Salon.
Apparently Chuck doesn't know that "Bar Crawls" SUCK. Bar Crawls are what people who don't go to bars very often, and who don't know each other very well, do to make their night out sound more interesting (Exception: The 03' Spanish Club bar crawl was a rager!). Nobody wants to have a rigid itinerary of 6 bars that they must attend when they go out drinking. I submit that there are two possibilities here, 1. When Chuck says Bar Crawl he really means that he is going to play trivia at BW3's with his dog ("Assault") and his next door neighbor Skip, and he's just trying to play up the excitement, or 2. He really is going on a bar crawl and he really does think that it's going to be the best thing ever. If the latter is true, I imagine that Chuck made up the itinerary, and that it looked something like this:
9:30 - Walk our dogs at the dog park (I hope that Assault doesn't assault any other dogs!)
10:30 - Planet Hollywood for good drinks and good times!
11:00 - Hard Rock Cafe for good drinks, good tunes, and good times!
11:30 - Rock Band after-party at Chuck's apartment (bring your favorite flavor of gatorade!)
12:00 - Bedtime, go to sleep and think about all the good times!
Chuck Update - 11/26/08 - 4:24pm
Chuck is on the bus 8 booze cruise then hitting the town!
My Thoughts
That must have been some bar crawl the night before! It's only four in the afternoon the next day and Chuck is apparently already on the "bus 8 booze cruise" (updating his facebook status from his phone no doubt). How does Chuck have such amazing alcohol endurance and recovery time you ask? Well it's a little trick Chuck uses when he's drinking that I have nicknamed the "Houdini Clear Drinky." It's simple. Chuck will buy a bottle of Zima at the bar and pour it into a glass of ice, thus giving it the appearance of straight vodka. After that he informs all his friends (friend) that he is drinking straight vodka LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES. Chuck then begins to act drunk in the way that high school freshman - who have never drank before - act when they go to their first party, which Chuck's friends tolerate because of how much he has consumed. Thus, Chuck has accomplished his goal, he has the appearance of being a heavy-drinking, party bad-ass, but he can still get up in time to watch "Knitting with Nina" at 8:00am the next day and make it out for the booze cruise that afternoon. The Houdini Clear Drinky never fails, but Chuck, you're living a lie buddy.
Chuck Update - 11/28/08 - 3:35am
Chuck had an amazing thanksgiving... and saw a bus driver sleeping at a green light while her passengers looked around confused.
My Thoughts
This update may seem straightforward and harmless, but don't be fooled. Chuck is continuing his pattern of making his life seem more interesting than it is. You had an amazing thanksgiving Chuck? What made it amazing? I MUST KNOW!
What really irks me is that I don't understand how every day of Chuck's life can be better than every day of my own? On Thanksgiving Day I was at an official lottery office cashing in my 100 million dollar winner with Marvin Gaye privately performing "Let's Get it on" for me while I was banging Scarlett Johansson and sucking down a slurpee (half coke/half wild cherry), but all I could think about was how good Chuck's turkey must have tasted, and how funny his crazy Uncle Ron's jokes must have been. Damn you Chuck, I'm jealous and I'm not even sure why.
Chuck Update - 11/29/08 - 12:18pm
Chuck is in hibernation mode until finals are over... and craving leftover turkey.
My Thoughts
What are the chances that Chuck would not be craving leftover turkey? ZERO PERCENT. Chuck has to be craving leftover turkey because he is so seasonal and festive! Remember how much Chuck loves fall...("Chuck loves, loves fall")? Fall is just a season......you can only imagine how much Chuck loves holidays! As for Chuck's birthday........he has sworn his friends to secrecy about that, but let's just say that the reason he changes his pants 10 times on his birthday isn't that he can't decide what to wear.........
And there it is again, "hibernation mode"..................Go fuck yourself Chuck, I'm not buying it for a second.
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I asked Chuck to tell me when he felt my thumb.
ReplyDelete"OK, Spew, I feel it!"
"TAA-DAA!" 2 thumbs up, Chuckers.
i like that you have chuck going to both the hard rock cafe and planet hollywood. the sign of a real hardcore drinker. just like chuck.
ReplyDelete...too bad he missed the Rainforest Cafe. In the morning he makes sure to get Law Coffee from Exon and he jokes with the clerk about how it is his coffee. Jackass.
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